Waste of time.

2005-10-21T16:26:00.000-07:00

ive decided to not update this page anymore....

I really see no reason for having both this blogspot page, as well as my myspace page...

so I'll just udate myspace from now on.

I'll probably keep this one.... just incase I change my mind, or should something happen to myspace.com....

but other than that....if you wish to read my blogs, then go here: http://www.myspace.com/wickednick

later.

wow

2005-10-15T19:23:00.000-07:00

wow

3 posts in one day... that hasnt happened in some time, has it?

was just reading some of my older posts, and I came to my post from sunday, june 12th, titled - "my vision"

I guess I did that one pretty accurately.... because it still sums it all up pretty good...

office space

2005-10-15T19:14:00.000-07:00

so....

the folder thing I spoke about earlier at office max..... isnt a buck....it was like 7 something...
so I didnt get it...
but I got some cool pens...

theres something about office supply stores....
you ever notice that?
something about them, makes you want to hang out for long periods of time, and look at things, and consider buying things that you've never looked at, or thought of buying before....and most of it, is stuff you'd never use....

the desks are fun too.... so many drawers, and so many set-ups....they even sell cubicals like at real live office places.....
all of this i knew before, but its always long periods of time between my office supply store visits.... so im always amazed by all the stuff they sell.....

part of it just makes you want to have a bunch of loot, so you can get an office, and actually have a reason to purchase a zillion sizes/colors/shapes/styles of folders and folder holders, and other random stuff that only people with offices should buy.....

rescue dogs?

2005-10-15T09:56:00.000-07:00

where are mine?

so.... had a couple of planned outings last night.... one was supposed to be a decent show, but that ended up not happening, for a bunch of reasons......take your pick....
and another was going to be a party of sorts that had been rescheduled from an earlier date....which I guess never happened for whatever reason, when all I heard about for a week ahead of time was how bad ass it was going to be....

so I stayed home and did nothing....

on the other shit.... it keeps getting better, doesnt it?
its funny how he can keep pushing more stuff out there through random people, and it comes to me, and I dont even know about half of the shit......scratch that..... 95% of the shit....
and yet, you let it happen, and do nothing to stop it.

call that caring about what happens?

what I did was caring....
this?
this is bullshit.....
and it needs to stop... and you need to come to your senses.....both of you....but mostly just you.

wal-mart has these cool trapper-keeper folder type deals with all the pockets, and 3 ring binder, and whatnot for $1.00 .... ive got one, and thats where all my writing ive done currently, and in the past couple years is at....I think I may decide to pick up another..... not sure....Office Max also has these 6 pocket folder thingys that look nifty too....also $1.00 or so.....I may get one of those too....
we'll see....

needs....

2005-10-07T04:12:00.000-07:00

I need sleep.......have you seen any?

I need more than sleep....
I need for people to understand whats really going on, rather than what others would have them believe.....

I need closure?

I need a new box of kleenex.....

I need to go and try to eat some food....

I need to talk to you.

2005-09-25T14:06:00.000-07:00

so now im being referred to as a "life snatcher".....
simply because I posted a list of some shows I plan on attending next month, not having any damn clue if anyone else would be attending.......many of the bands/artists(with the exception of maybe 2) being ones that I was into long before........

whatever.....

nevermind......

I guess I should just stay inside the fucking house, and never leave again, so I dont disrupt a schedule that I didnt even know about when I made mine nearly a month beforehand.

But I guess thats how it goes when people are somehow suddenly convinced that your a monster and they need to be afraid of you, and can no longer trust you.

blah, blah, blah

2005-09-25T09:04:00.000-07:00

for those that have asked in messages on here, or on IM's or on e-mail or whatever: "is anything getting better?"
thanks.... for asking.... thanks for caring...
but thats a hard question.....
i'll go with No, though.... since shit is still...
well... shitty....

shit is shitty

that makes sense, right?

I think so.

and this is my blog, so screw what you think, while your reading it.
get your own blog, and think how you like, while you read that one.

anyhow... it kinda helps that theres been a couple of "real" friends there lately to talk to about shit, and help keep my mind off of everything....
but right now, all that is, is like small vacations.... you dig?

like how when you go out of town, you just gotta come home sometime, to the same shit, and deal with it all anyways.....

its always there....
and its always shitty.....
and theres only one way it'll get better....
and its not an option right now, and theres not a damn fucking thing I can do to make it an option...... i can talk to as many people, as possible, but its still gonna be shitty, because the one person that i would like to talk to, to figure out why the fuck shit is the way it is right now, and try to fix things and move forward, doesnt give a shit that im going through all of this.....

so there.

merry christmas or some shit....

later

blah

2005-09-15T15:56:00.000-07:00

still here...

life is still messy

right on

2005-08-25T18:56:00.000-07:00

this year started off so fucking great....

but its all gone down-hill since may....
its beginning to be the fucking year from hell.... today was more to add to it....

what the fuck have I done to anyone to deserve the shit im constantly dealing with...
you know how the cops do those random stops at bus stops downtown just to fuck with people, and ticket smokers, and check anyone and everyones ID's because they can?......
yeah.... had that happen once again today, and once again.... guess who came up lookin like a fuckin psycho?
and guess who was questioned for a long ass time, about where ive been lately, and where I havent been lately, and who i have or havent been talking to lately.....
Yeah.... they like to take their sweet time asking the same questions over and over again..... and evidentlly just because they hold some sort of authority, it makes it okay to call people.....innocent people, might I add "smart ass" and "creep", just like the dude from AMW.....

So yeah... I had originally gone down there to file some shit I should have done a while ago....but havent for - as whats been pointed out to me by anyone and everyone that knows better - my own stupid fucking reasons.....because I still care.....
but that didnt happen..... i was too pissed and it was too late, after I was "let go"...... so i came back here and am watching the last bit of Sweet Home fucking Alabama.....

Fucking right....

before I forget, congrats go out to Ken Anderson by the way, local wrestling hero, now with the WWE.... i guess he got his debut on tonights smackdown....
sorry I missed it, bud....
that makes 2 local guys gone WWE, along with Shawn Daivari.....
Austin Aries is next.... you heard it here.... Im thinking he'll go to NWA:TNA though....

okay.....
fuck you... im out of here....
thank god I dont have anything alchoholic-ish in the house tonight.....
it wouldnt work anyways....

sweetness....

2005-08-21T00:42:00.000-07:00

Damn...

so the hunt is over....

its a good thing for a few reasons...
one of them being... now I can sleep, and catch up on the week or so of NOT getting any.

and also, because a COOLER CREW member found it!!!

congrats to Tim_The_Hunter, for being the one to nab the sucker....and also for knowing how to handle it..... was really cool....
was a real fun hunt... and im hoping they decide that it was worth it enough to make it a yearly deal....

Press conference happens tomorrow AM... I will definately be there....

yep...

2005-08-16T01:10:00.000-07:00

im drunk as fuck right now. buzz should start to wear off soon (hopefully).... fun night

the Pioneer Press is doing a summer hunt... 2nd clue just came out...
aint worth no 10 grand, but its still cool...

this & that & other crap

2005-08-13T12:33:00.000-07:00

So yeah... the if your lookin for some good tunes, check out the previous post... especially the High on Stress one...Cheapo should be getting it soon in the local section, or maybe just get off your ass and go to one of their shows, because they sell em there too....
those guys are good stuff.... ive been to a bunch of their shows now, and their better everytime....plus they usually play in bars, so if you decide that you dont like their stuff, you can always just drink instead....
their good people too, which is nice to know.

Not alot going on here..... I know most of you people that have been sending messages, and e-mails, want me to update on the "other shit", but I dont feel like it, and probably wont. I'll just say that whats going on is bullshit, period, and theres no reason for it.....we both know what's happened, and most of whats being said actually happened, is b.s.
Ive been told I should fight it, and take the option that's been given to me, that I still have a little under a month to act on.... and if your someone thats reading this and you have no idea what "it" is, then you really dont need to know....
But I dont intend on doing so.....
It'll be on my record, and it'll continue to mess other areas of my life up.....but I still dont care.....because evidentlly even though its doing that, its still bringing happiness to someone that must need the shit pretty bad....

other than that, my guitar learning process is doing okay.....ive got blisters to show for it.... cool, huh?.....
A string broke yesterday that I need to get fixed.....I'll do that sometime soon....give my hands/fingers a rest in the meantime.....
i was kind of paying for lessons every once in a while, but now that ive got some crap down, i'll see what I can accomplish on my own, and save the little money that I'm able to scrape up here and there....
Or maybe just spend it on more local music shows, and/or beer...

Just noticed that the "views" on my myspace page, has gone over 300.... sweet....
you should all have to buy me stuff....
nothing expensive though.....
Maybe just give me money???

current music

2005-08-13T12:10:00.000-07:00

High On Stress - Moonlight Girls
Tegan & Sara - So Jealous
Valet - Life On the Installment Plan
Martin Devaney - La Mancha
Green Day - American Idiot
The Replacements - Pleased to Meet Me
Coldplay - X & Y
The Shins - Oh Inverted World
Lynrd Skynrd - The Essential Lynrd Skynrd
Jenny Dalton - Uncharted
Twiztid - The Green Book
Ryan Adams - Cold Roses

life is messy

2005-08-09T22:43:00.000-07:00

still here....

maybe I'll update more, now that this thing is working somewhat better...

too late right now, and too much has been happening.... too much thinking... dont feel like it right now...

later.

still alive

2005-07-26T03:30:00.000-07:00

Yep, im still here....

havent had a chance to update at all, because the computer at home sucks, and online isnt even an option.

Rumors of late - If you've heard em, dont believe em. If you havent, then dont worry, their not that good anyways.

Not alot going on lately other than that, a whole lotta putting in - in more ways and places, and things, than just one or 2, and a whole lotta nothing coming right back.

Its tuesday, theres a wrestling thing at 1st ave, tonight that I think I might go to as I havent been to one in a long time....who knows.... its hot, and it sucks, and cold beer sounds good.... that reason - the hotness, and also because i havent had one in a while, and also because of the stress of life in general.

to you:
I have items for your birthday, that ive had for a while, that i'd like you to get somehow, so please arrange it. im tired of looking at the stuff, and its yours anyhow. I know its not til september, but please get them soon. i dont care how, or what you do with any of it, or if the things get used or not, their yours to do with as you please, just get them soon. A lot of time, thought, and non-refundable money went into the stuff. And that was when we were supposedly "happy", so again.....if your adament about continuing to hold things i never did to you against me, and wanting to act as if I dont even exist anymore....atleast find a way to get your things first.

Have a good day, i'll update when I can again.

movies

2005-07-08T16:41:00.000-07:00

They need to stop fucking with the classics.....

willy wonka? bad news bears?
and their talking about re-doing the entire super man series with new actors and special effects....

and the tv shows made into movies?
starsky and hutch
dukes of hazzard
soon to come: A-Team, and Miami Vice, and also rumored - Nightrider????

come up with new stuff.

So...

2005-07-06T09:19:00.000-07:00

after that last post, i went and layed on part of my bed, (yes, only part of it, I dont even feel comfortable on the entire thing anymore) where it was too hot to think or do anything, let alone sleep, so I went and crashed on the couch, with the radio on....
the music pissed me off so I turned that off real quick....
and actually passed out for a while... not sure but I think I may have slept 2 and a half hours....
got up, and watched a shitty infomercial about a vaccum cleaner, and then took a shower.... then waited for 7:30 to get here, so I could leave and head out for another shitty interview......
it doesnt matter where it was at, really, anymore, because at 7:00 the place called and said that they were canclling the interview, becaus they had hired someone else....

so shit.... yeah....

there you go.

when was the last time...

2005-07-06T00:27:00.000-07:00

you got whats considered "a decent nights sleep"?

For me, it was probably the end of april-early may....
back when things were still okay, and I atleast still had a friend in someone that I care about....
and before things happened that I really didnt do, and had no part in, that are currently being held against me, forcing said person to want nothing to do with me, and consider me like I dont exist now, and never existed then even.

so here I am again.

2 fucking 30 in the morning.

super.

got out yesterday and went to one of those temp agencies... was sent away because they evidentlly already have me on file, and "dont have anything for me, yet"

super again.

really.... i could care less..... i dont feel like moving.

although I just took a nice big crap a little while ago.....

I was going to grow my goatee out again, but decided against it, and shaved it off a few weeks ago....
but then with all the crap that built up, and keeps building, I got pissed one night threw my saftey razor at something.....anything that was there, and thus broke it into bunches of pieces....
and my electric one, that ive had since forever ago, convinently, along with everything else going wrong/bad at the same time, stopped working then too....
so then my facial hair started growing.... at first it actually looked like one of those "I've been too depressed to shave" beards, that guys sometimes get, which is probably what you could call it.... and now its starting to fill in a little bit, and im afraid I just may leave it for a while....
for a few reasons....
one of them being, i really havent grown one before, and have only had a partial goatee, and the other reason being, right now is a seeming like a fucking great time to hide my face, considering I cant even stand to look at my ugly mug in the mirror at the time being..... and really... i cant go around wearing face-paint, or masks, or anything all the time....
so depression beard/stupid facial hair it is.

blah

random thought:

2005-07-05T19:32:00.000-07:00

a good place to cry, is in the shower...
when you come out, thats the reason your face is wet....and your eyes are kind of red (mine always get like that in the shower anyhow) you were in the shower....maybe got soap/shampoo in your eyes....whatever....
so.....yeah...

Music Of The Moment

2005-07-04T11:26:00.000-07:00

music of the moment:

The Replacements - Pleased To Meet Me
Ramones - all the stuff & more
Ryan Adams - Cold Roses
Insane Clown Posse - The Amazing Jekyl Bro's
Valet - Life On The Installment Plan
GreenDay - American Idiot
The Misfits - Legacy Of Brutality
NOFX - Punk in Drublic
Tegan & Sara - So Jealous
Coldplay - X&Y
Death Cab For Cutie - Transatlanticism
The Shins - Oh, Inverted World
Nirvana - Nirvana
G&R - Appetite For Destruction

Another drunken blog

2005-07-03T00:24:00.000-07:00

Blarg....
went down to the taste again tonight... i think I may actually go every night this year, because.... well.... theres really nothing better to do, and theres actually some good music this year....

didnt have any cool run-ins and punk outs of the bands tonight though... although Styxx was there, and they do play alotta shows with the REO Speedwagon'ers....
Wasnt actually looking for them.... no... instead was supposed to meet a blind date sorta deal down there, and she never showed.... so.... nice going on that.... probably for the best anyways......im considering never opening myself up to anyone ever again....especially if im just going to be treated like this, in the end, when she decides its just not worth it and runs off to someone who she thinks has all the answers.......
blah... fuckit....

so.... i got my drink on down there again.... and listened to the shitty love songs of some of the bands, and watched the shitty couples being in love every 2 feet, and smelled all the good food that I am SO not in the mood to eat any of, ever......

and then I met up with some of the cooler crew, and we watched the fire-worx and walked back to one of their houses for a bon-fire finish of the evening....
so....
it was a good day.... and a shitty day all rolled into one....

so yeah.... here I am... back here though... once again... back online.... not being able to sleep, or even think about anything close to it.....

in the words of Mark Mcgrath, from Sugar Ray: "Whatever"

So...

2005-07-01T17:22:00.000-07:00

haha.... had a "run in" with the dude from Sugar Ray last night at the taste, and I didnt even realize it was him til after it was said and done... hahaha.... that guy sucks

I bet your expecting another REO Speedwagon experience, where I was almost killed by them... but.....
hahaha...
no... it was way better, because I got the upper hand this time around, with said celebrity.
I ended up going down there to see Mark Mallman (who kicks more ass every time you see him), and then afterwards, I was on my way to a food tent/trailer/booth thing and ran into Joe and Don, a couple guys I kind of knew in highschool, and decided to bum with them for a while, after they informed me that they were going to try and crash
Sugar Ray's VIP area after their performance, and score some free beer....
It didnt end up being a "crash" at all, because we pretty much just walked in, and were like "yo...we're with the band"...... it sucked pretty bad, cause all it was, was a buncha teenage chicks trying to look older than they really were.....so we just decided to get the beer and split..... we're standing in a kind of small line, waiting for it, and im talking to this guy infront of me about wrestling, and I hear yelling and shoving behind me, so i turn around, and Joe looked like he was about to get his ass kicked by some wannabe rocker lookin guy, so I jumped in between them, and shoved the guy and he goes "Whoa, bro! tell your boy to back off! im just looking for my drink, bro!!" (when he said BRO, it sounded like BRA).... so I reply to him "First, this guys not really my boy, cause I havent seen him in close to 6 years, and second, did you just call me a BRA?!?!" .....he just throws his hands up goes "psshhht, whatever" and stomps off in the other direction, with a buncha people laughing........then Joe informs me "Hey... you know that was the lead singer guy from Sugar Ray, right??"

hahahaha......

whoops.....

So you want a new post?

2005-06-28T22:34:00.000-07:00

go to hell

2005-06-23T21:13:00.000-07:00

really.... fuck this....

im so tired of explaining everything to a new person every time they need to know whats going on, and having to try to get whatever they need to understand out, about what im thinking/feeling about anything currently....

happened again tonight at dinner... and i knew exactly what was going to happen, before I said anything, which Is why its a place i didnt go to for advice or whatever to begin with........ and once again what I got was more advice about what I should be thinking and feeling and what i should be doing about it all, but once again, its impossible to pin-point anything to get anything rolling in that direction.....

you know how sometimes.... you just need to get something....in an area of your life ironed out, so you atleast feel comfortable with it, before you can even begin to think about focusing on other things??? Thats whats going on..... kind of.....

Today there were a couple of long talks.... and i felt/feel a little better afterwards, because i think I know whats going on more than before... and what has maybe happened.... but so much more is still un-clear that I need/want to know about, and no one.... atleast the ones that know about it, wants to help with it..... its so fucking frustrating..... i'd just like to fucking know a couple of things, and be done with it...... even if the answers are shitty and not what I want to hear, and get me pissed.... atleast I'd fucking know.... right?

im tired of you few people that are reading this (and you know who you are), that think your doing something cool or funny, or whatever by continuing to fuck with whats going on......
really.... the people that matter in this situation.... dont care about your shit anymore, so its time for you all to dry up and blow away.....

im going to go.... and sit infront of the air conditioner.... because in other news it was fucking 137 degrees today, here in the desert state of Minnesota.....
maybe I'll plant a damn cactus tomorrow, in the backyard, if I get around to it.... or dont die of heat-stroke, just walking out the door.....

and after i get done sitting there..... i'll probably be back on here... and back there... because i probably wont be able to sleep, yet again tonight....

but atleast I ate today, which was a bit of a change.... even if it was greasy, bad for you crap that you should only eat once every couple years.....

So...

2005-06-22T23:15:00.000-07:00

Yet another post, that no one will comment on, besides people that want to remain "anonymous" yet still critique my life, like their comments actually mean a shit to me.

So...

tonight was one of the most horrible fucking nights ive had in a long, long, very long fucking time...
mixed with a night of fun and good times...
does that make sense?

I could care less if you say "no", really....

A medallion hunt, actually a couple of them... have ended recently, with none of the cooler crew infact, being finders, so a "pity party" was scheduled for tonight at Moose Country....
Add to the fact of all the crap thats been goin on lately... and I needed to get out.... BADLY.....

well... i bussed.... a long ways.... and then I walked.... a long ways..... i figure maybe the length of walking around Lake Phalen, doubled or more....... so.... yeah... thats a long ways....

Got there...and I was the 2nd person to get there.... then more showed up.... and then more.... and then she showed up.... looking as beautiful as she always does..... even if she wasnt trying for it....... maybe more so because it had been such a long time since I last saw her......... i dont care what anyone ever says... she needs no make-up or fancy clothes, or any of that jazz.... any of it? it just accentuates her beauty both inside and out, even that much more....
but she..... was with him....
and I had already begun some drinking.... the first time in a long ass time, as a matter of fact....... so i became even more depressed than before....

I think we made eye contact, maybe 3 times if im lucky.....

I kept glancing over... and she looks so happy, and I should be happy for that atleast, but i'm not... because of knowing whats happened to get her with him.... and knowing whats gone down to cause that.... and feeling like shit, and like everything is my fault...

god... this fucking sucks so much....

I took a couple of bathroom breaks, to "try" to regain composure, which resulted in some crying... and then walking back out "hey... im happy... lets keep playing fucking darts and shit!!!"

I miss her so much... i dont know when the last time I slept decent was... because I keep falling asleep and dreaming of her coming back and saying that its all okay and it was all fucked up, and we're good from here on out....
And I hear her saying what she said that oh so fantastic night.......ringing in my fucking ears....

"kiss me"

I know this keeps sounding so crazy... and like im so obsessed... but honestly... what the fuck man?

I dont know anymore....

I need her so badly in my life.... even as just a friend!

but she cant even find it in her heart to ease that pain, or even consider it.....

even though she claims that i never did anything wrong, and that I was always so good to her.... and we were always so happy together...
the question in my head keeps saying "what did I do?!??! " and it keeps ringing out "i know I can do better.... i just need the chance to prove it... please!"

but then shit like tonight is going to keep happening...
im going to see her with...... him..... and lets not even go there.....

and i keep having to deal with "him" and 2 others an Ex girl, and and ex "brother" that I shouldnt have to deal with....because they both keep coming up with new and inventive ways to create havoc where none is needed or wanted...

we were so fucking happy together until other people decided that they "needed" to "help us" along on our path to happiness....

well... yeah... maybe she thinks she's happy for now, and then they all can be satisfied with knowing half of their job is done.....
but me?
my path?
im in the shitter and have been flushed long ago, and am now only clogging the drain up..... with my shitty look, and all the toilet-paper around me....

the plunger is on its way, right???

I cant live without my heart.....

I dont know how people expect it.... and people think "oh... he'll be okay" when im not....

tomorrow? (which is actually today, because its 1:00 im the morning)

im supposed to go do "dinner" with my mom.... which is definately not a regular occurance....
when she asked if I wanted to..... i just wondered "great.... did the 3 amigo's talk to her, or something? bring my family into the fold, more than they need to be, or I want them to be?"

what the fuck ever....

im going to go and lay down and cry, because im over due, after tonights events, and obviously need to catch the fuck up in it.....
my new favorite past time.

book of the moon

2005-06-17T13:56:00.000-07:00

The moon wrote a book
Shining its light on pages that have no words
Casting its beams across endless fields of nothing
Bringing no hope to anyone at all

Theres no one around to read it

© - 2005 - Nick Goedert

2005-06-14T23:17:00.000-07:00

i really have nothing to update on, and dont know when the next sizeable entry will be... my last one pretty much speaks for everything thats going on in my life, currently, so if you need a fix of "whats up" with me? read that one again.
.

my vision

2005-06-11T21:54:00.000-07:00

My lonliness is so great, that it screams at me through the mirror when I look in it, and through the phone, even when no one is calling, and through the TV, and radio when they are on OR off... and it follows me everyplace that I go...even at times, when im actually with people, and supposed to be having a good time....
and hopeless nights are spent alone, at home or elsewhere....
or maybe here, on the fucking internet, trying to fill some hole that I know cant possibly be filled this way.... I guess i'm just good at hiding it sometimes.....most of the time.

I'm scared I will always be alone. Or at least at this time I am. Am I being punished or am I just simply punishing myself? And why????
Maybe both. Can't you hear the lonliness, and sadness, and patheticness screaming through all of the holes in my body???

I went out tonight.....
but it just doesnt feel right... can someone give me honest, real reasons as to why I can't date! It's fucked up!! I don't know where to go, who to trust, why can't I feel like its okay to fall in love again!

it seems like all I do lately, when im not out doing interviews, or "trying" to keep busy and forget about things, that all I do is cry...cry myself to sleep, cry myself awake, food doesnt taste good, nothing seems fun anymore.... all of this and yet I feel like waiting....waiting and hoping

I could go on and on about my feelings like I'm covering up some important, dark secret that no one, including even myself knows about....
But you know it's not that, and the secret is indeed not a "secret" at all, but is right there lying in the open, and is also quite painful all the time.

It's like in a hardcore style wrestling match, where you've been tossed off of a steel cage, and have landed on an enormous pile of thumbtacks.... how far have I slipped without thinking? how far can I be from never breathing again?
I am desperately lonely, and evidentlly have taken steps to become this way. I dont need anyone, ever again, or so i'd like to believe...... but its impossible....no one can fulfill me like......she did.......so why should I even bother trying.

Yes, the secret of my lonliness is right there in the open, isnt it? And it's right there where it all begins... Do you see this huge hole? What is supposed to be my inside? Is it easy to see how I bleed now? I have no feeling there, inside, anymore, and yet the pain, and the feelings and all of the emotions still run like a fresh, new cut on top, on the outside, where everyone can see, if they only look..... It's indeed, right here where I sit and think day after day, night after night, about how lonely I am. How I crave that someone to be with me, and how I'll probably never have it ever again.

Why do I feel this shit?... lost love and emptiness inside????...
I've taught myself in the past and am teaching myself all over agin not to love, not to love anyone all because of whats happened, even though I honestly have no fucking clue what exactly has happened this time around..... maybe because this time around the feelings were actually, very fucking real, indeed......and were actually reciprocated this time
..... my thoughts, are filled.... my hunger is filled.... for love by and from her...and nothing more... I have no need, I have no want, I have no urge, I have no energy, I have no patience, for anything else....oh yeah, and did I mention that I'm dying? maybe yesterday, maybe today, maybe tomorrow..... but for today, atleast, I'm in so much pain, physical, and emotional, and whatever other kind of pain there is, of a wound thats oozing badly, and is covered with cheap generic brand bandaids that dont stick to my -- as of lately-- shitty feeling skin, and that badly need changing, its all covering up a scar so deep that it hasn't completely and probably will never heal.

I saw her in a dream the other night, and I woke up suddenly, and couldn't breathe at all...
I can't get serious in a relationship because I'm terrified that magically, somehow, god-willing, hearing all of my prayers on the subject, she'll come back and choose me, want to be with me for good, and has felt the same about me the whole time, and never stopped feeling what she once did, and just wasnt sure what to do about it all....

Has anyone else ever felt this?? I know you say you have, but really.... I dont believe you fucking liars.....
Right now I feel like running to the bathroom and ralphing this incredible knot that's always in my stomach...
my hoping has died... maybe it was sooner than now, but I feel both helpless, and hopeless and I want to hide away once again, today...tomorrow.... forever.... from all existence because I'm afraid of what my eyes, ears, body, and heart will do to betray me and my feelings for her...

It hurts so bad... its like my life is over.....that kind of feeling. Has it all come down to this? this is the only thing, and time and place that I feel? pain?....and I want this feeling to die, and to never come back.

When is it my turn? Do I deserve someone incredible ever again? Where and when will my heart come back again? Where and when can I be happy in an unconditional, reciprocated, loving relationship once again?... when can I be FREE again? Is it really over? Or is this all just some shitty test, from someplace else, just fucking with my head, and my hopes/prayers on the matter will actually be heard, and worked on?? questions that are constantly asked....

I want to love.....I want to love her.... but I dont know anything anymore.
I think i'd still like to remain a friend, if anything at all, really, but even that seems unfeasable at this point, for whatever fucking reason.

Maybe this is why I think I'm fine with waiting for the rest of my life for someone who might never come back but I'm not!
Because she will...
or wont?!?!

It's her voice I still hear, her laughter that rings in my ears, her soft touch that I feel when im day dreaming....her smile, and beauty, both inside and out, that I see and feel everyplace I go....and that feeling of being safe, being warm, being "home" has simply........disappeared??? How do I get it back??? and if I do get it back, how do I keep it??? how do I fix this???

Ive been there or know someone else that has been there, right? It takes time, right? i'm too whiny, and acting like a little bitch right? Get over it right?
well....I am.
At least in my head, I can say I am.... and then be fine with it never being so....
no... thats a lie.... i cant be fine with it.
Atlease until that next "someone" ---- who i desperately want and need to be the same person that left, in the first place, with seemingly no reasoning behind the decison, to begin with ---- comes along, this is all I will ever know, and this is who I will be.

Yeah....right

2005-06-09T19:21:00.000-07:00

What does NBC think of its viewers?

holy crap... I just watched the most worthless hour of telvision, ive watched in a very long time...
they have this new show (I think this was the 2nd week of it?) called "hit me baby one more time", where they have 5 artists.... most of them all late 70's - 80's has been's... and they have them do one of the songs that they were most famous for.... and then they have them do a song thats "on the top of the charts today" from some other "today" artist...
tonights line-up??
1.The Knack, who did "My Sherona" and for their "today" song, they did a cover of "Are you gonna be my girl" by Jet... and actually did a pretty good job of it...
2.Some chick and her band that sucked on both of her songs (go to NBC.com if you really want to know)
3. the guy that did that "baby dont hurt me" song that the SNL dudes do that bobble head dance move to.... his "today" song, was a britney spears song.... yes....you read that right...
4. Tommy Tu-Tone (did I spell that right?), who did that "867-5309" song, and then they did a cover of Blink-182's "All the small things".....dont get me wrong... 867-5309 is and was, and probably always be a catchy, kick ass tune.... but dude.... they murdered their own song... and if I was any member of Blink-182, I'd have been scared when I heard they were going to do my stuff.......which they murdered even worse...
5. and lastly Vanilla Ice... yes he did "Ice Ice Baby" and he was actually pretty good... considering he's probably the only one out of all these performers thats still around, and actually doing semi-big shows/tours... his "today" song, was Destiny's Child -"Survivor"... which was also semi-decent...but then again... maybe I'm biased because I actually like "Ice Ice Baby" and also that Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle's part 2 song "Go Ninja Go", and used to (and probably still do, on command) know them word for word...

then the studio audience votes, on who they thought kicked the most ass, and that performer gets a buncha money towards the charity of their choice...
Vanilla Ice won this one.... and your supposed to tune in next week and see some more losers battle eachother out in another holy-shit-I -thought-they-were-dead-suck-ass-fest

I think I wont be doing that.

I probably wont have anything better to do... but still... i'd rather not....
I want to remember the has-beens for their voice on the 80's radio channel, rather than see them murder a classic song, live on TV, thus making that particular song never listenable ever again.

Images In The Rain

2005-06-08T17:06:00.000-07:00

hear the sound of the rain that falls
thousands of drops
bring images of you
wetness on my face
in more than one way
feeling so lost
on this misty, oh so gloomy day
thunder only increases the fray

© - 2005 - Nick Goedert

just grand

2005-06-05T17:17:00.000-07:00

Damn.... so it rained out there a little, and I got super wet.
Always seems to rain when im in that part of town... grand ave area, cathedral hill area, etc.... wtf is up with that area and rain??
Anyhow... didnt really see much of anyone that I really knew, so that kinda sucked...
did see some good music though
Got there and had time to do some serious walking/people watching, and then made it to one of my set concert areas bout 2 songs into Thunder In The Valley...2nd time seeing them, and they were good once again...
then I high-tailed it about 2 blocks down the road and saw the Hold Steady....who did a kick ass set... definately reccomend them, for anyone that has a chance to see them...
and topped it off with The Olympic Hopefuls, whom I've wanted to see for quite some time, but keep missing....they were pretty good too, although the rain came towards the end of their set...
But yeah.... lots o good music...
I think most outdoors music ends up being better anyways, for some reason, dont you?
Lots of people out this year..... maybe because of the smoking ban in MPLS, perhaps? Who knows... got some sun though.... my face is kinda red... and I lost my voice somewhere during the O.H. set... even though I really wasnt talking/screaming at all....
hmm...
Oh yeah.....
on the way there this morning, practically the entire east side was all smoky... worse than anything you hear about california, or whatever... you couldnt even see 2 feet infront of you... i guess some warehouse off of payne and case, caught fire at like 9:30 this A.M. and as of like a half hour ago, is still smoldering...
thats all for now.

weather

2005-06-04T19:21:00.000-07:00

its humid, rainy and crappy.
thanks.

More blah.

2005-06-04T07:44:00.000-07:00

been up since 7:30.
cant sleep for shit lately... even when I have to try to.

Just keep coming on here to waste time, and reading the same sites I always do... this one, other blogs I read, e-mail, and a couple of forum/posting sites....most of the latter, of which bring bad news, and just make me feel shittier.

so nobody wants to go to Grand Old Days tomorrow eh?
That sucks...
cant say I expected anything out of making a post though... just thought I would try.

We went and did our monthly, or bi-monthly, or whatever - cashing in of pop-cans this A.M. didnt really get shit for money back...
I got pissed off, cause the worker guys didnt speak an ounce of english, and when I pointed out that a bunch of our cans were still on the conveyer belt, after he had already priced them, he got all "up in my face" with whatever language he was speaking, and ended his giberish with "you go, NOW!!!"
So yeah.... we were shorted probably a few bucks.... whatever.

Life fucking sucks.
Thank you, drive through.

ahem

2005-06-03T18:55:00.000-07:00

Blah..

just blah... thats how I feel... seemingly all the time lately... BLAH BLAH BLAH!!!

Sometimes not knowing which way is up, or down, or left, or right...
feeling like I dont know whether to trust talking to people, or running away from everyone, because I dont know whether people honestly care, and ask/want to talk about things because of that, or if they just want to pry for info for other sources, or whatever the hell..

BLAH

We have so much crappy food in this house, because my dad doesnt know how to shop, really.... and im so hungry, and none of it looks or sounds good....
had one of these rice-pouch things, and it sucked major ass, so I gave some to the dog, and he didnt even want it, so it all got tossed out...

Screw what your mom says about the poor kids in africa, or zimbabwe, or wherever... if you dont tell them that I threw it out, then they have no way to know about it.
Even the classic PB&J sammich wasnt that good...
Food sucks, lately... everything does.

You ever get to where even if you touch your own skin, you get irritated, or pissed, or whatever?
What do you do when then happens?
ugh...

I have this charm thing... its a talisman thing... a pisces sign... I bought it back at the very first X-fest I went to back in 98 or so...basically cause I thought it was cool... and wanted something to remember stuff with... its taken on a whole other meaning since then... basically its supposed to bring good luck, fortune, health, wealth, etc....so whatever...
Ive had it.. either wearing it, or in a pocket or something, basically every day since I got it back then...
Today.. the string/rope thing its on, busted... and oddly enough I was going to "loan" it to someone, for a buncha days, because I felt the strong need to....but the loaning process sucked, because A. the person thought it was a shitty idea, for whatever reason, and 2. my plan to get it to them, for the hell of it, anyways fell threw faster than a package of Oreo cookies being consumed at a fat-kid convention....

It sucks not knowing what to do right now about stuff that needs doing.....
this fucking blows donkey nuts

Is anyone going to Grand Old Day on Sunday thats reading this?
Anyone want to hang out?
I want to go, but I hate doing shit alone...
Word has it that a couple of my cuz's may go, but I seriously doubt I'll run into them.... looking for people at that stuff is just crazy... its like looking for a needle in a haystack...

Seriously... anyone want to go with me?

Staind - Right here

2005-06-02T20:00:00.000-07:00

I know I've been mistaken
But just give me a break and see the changes that I've made
I've got some imperfections
But how can you collect them all and throw them in my face

But you always find a way to keep me right here waiting
You always find the words to say to keep me right here waiting
And if you chose to walk away I'd still be right here waiting
Searching for the things to say to keep you right here waiting

I hope you're not intending
To be so condescending it's as much as i can take
and you're so independent
you just refuse to bend so I keep bending till I break

But you always find a way to keep me right here waiting
You always find the words to say to keep me right here waiting
And if you chose to walk away I'd still be right here waiting
Searching for the things to say to keep you right here waiting

I've made a commitment
I'm willing to bleed for you
I needed fulfillment
I found what I need in you

Why can't you just forgive me
I don't want to relive all the mistakes I've made along the way
But I always find a way to keep you right here waiting
I always find the words to say to keep you right here waiting

But you always find a way
To keep me right here waiting
You always find the words to say to keep me right here waiting
And if I chose to walk away would you be right here waiting
Searching for the things to say to keep me right here waiting

What the?!?!

2005-05-24T15:35:00.000-07:00

Ugh.... had an update posted on both here and myspace, but both were mysteriously deleted?!?!

WTF!!!?!?

update

2005-05-09T17:12:00.000-07:00

Havent updated in a bit.... havent had a chance to, this computer sucks lately...

Went to the Tegan and Sara show, last Friday at The Quest, with Elissa, that was pretty good... Tegan was a bit sick, so she was alil bit off, but over-all the show kicked ass, and I definately want to see them again... they mentioned that they might be back out on tour again, sooner than anyone even thought... so cool beans on that.

Afterwards, we went and had some grub/drinks at Pizza Luce... I was going to head home, but the bus situation caused me to stick around for another hour, so I headed back over to Urban WildLife club, where Elissa had met up and went with Jenny, to see the Cd Release of Cary Aria, and Toast... from what I heard of both, it was a good show.. want to check out Toast again, when I have more time, definately.

Was a good, fun night.. and I needed it badly...

Work schedule sucks as of right now, cause they dont seem to know how to keep it on track for some reason, one minute I have hours, the next I dont, and no one knows whats up, so they want me to sit here and wait for a call when they do.
Screw that... i went to 2 interviews today, and have a couple tomorrow... still rockin and rollin over here, man.

Other than that, not much goin on.
Went and did the breast cancer walk at the MOA, yesterday for the 2nd year in a row, with family and some of their friends.... was supposedly more people there, than there was last year at Southdale.

Eh... gonna go.
Later.

Monday, Monday, Monday

2005-05-09T17:10:00.000-07:00

Tegan and Sara - "Monday, Monday, Monday"
Album - "If It Was You"

This week or last week
I don't really care about it anymore
I write myself this later
I tell myself you let me go
Without me
What's wrong with you?
Monday Monday Monday
Monday Monday Monday
Monday Monday Monday
Monday Monday Monday
Your house or mine
I don't really care about it anymore
I close my eyes
I, I make myself unhappy so you'll go
Without me
What's wrong with you
Monday Monday Monday
Monday Monday Monday
Monday Monday Monday
Monday Monday Monday
Oh, and I
I say damn your mood swings
Damn your mood swings
Oh, and I
I say damn your mood swings
Damn your mood swings
I'm calling out
I don't really care for your city anymore
I spend the night
I lay awake and miss you when you go
Without me
What's wrong with you
Monday Monday Monday
Monday Monday Monday
Monday Monday Monday
Monday Monday Monday
Oh, and I
I say damn your mood swings
Oh, and I
I say damn your mood swings
Damn your mood swings
Oh, and I
I say damn your mood swings
Damn your mood swings
Oh, and I
I say damn your mood swings
Damn your mood swings

...

2005-04-28T08:25:00.000-07:00

So...
if that last one scared anyone... thinking im gonna go crazy and kill a buncha people or even myself, I apologize... thats not the case...

Im still dealing with people, that I dont want/shouldnt have to deal with, because they keep finding new and inventive ways to fuck with me...and when they cant do that, they mess with people they know I care about, and other friends/associates...

Yesterday was going fine and dandy.. work was good... and after talking a few times in recent days with Elissa, about everything, things seemed like they were getting back on track to being semi-okay, and we'd be able to move on as friends, and understand eachother better...
then a certain someone who shall remain nameles went out of their way, to cause more trouble in probably an hour and a half, than ive ever heard someone cause in a whole year...
again making me look like an asshole, and look certifiably insane, because I had no idea what the hell was going on, and over-reacted....
and am now thinking that the couple of people having anything to do - positively - about this crap, are now even farther away...

Anyways..... things have been talked about between some parties involved, and hopefully now is all understood, and that track to moving on can proceed like it had already begun before-hand, and no-body, including myself, will actually remain distanced

Nobody needs that much shit in their life...
and anyways...
I dont wish to speak/think/hear about any of this crap thats gone on, anymore, so please dont ask, or bring it up...

On a side note, to "asshole" - I wish you luck with your future endeavors. May you someday grow a consience.

out

They say

2005-04-27T18:35:00.000-07:00

That time is like a band-aid, and it heals wounds right?
Well whoever "they" is, hopefully has a giant shitload, life-time supply of those giant, knee-size ones in stock for me.
And also for anyone that comes in contact with me recently.

check it out

2005-04-25T20:33:00.000-07:00

Im on myspace.com now.

http://www.myspace.com/14216879

dont worry... I aint leavin this place though.. its much, much easier... just maybe more contacts there, or something???
I doubt it'll work for anything, but its worth a try, right?

anyhow... if your on there, and I know you.... or dont, even... add me as a "friend" and I'll add you back, if its cool.

8 dollar ache

2005-04-24T16:48:00.000-07:00

Got the internet working again, finally...
still slow,
still sucking, still virussed or whatever... nothing works, or seems to improve it.

went to the Turf, alone, last night, saw some good music, for 8 bucks...
thought it would be nice, to be out and about a bit... but.... eh.

not much else.

not much of a life.

work, then home. then hanging out with myself, by myself, or going out by myself, because I cant manage to keep people around for whatever f'n reason, unknown to me.
thats my life.

im not bragging either...

its f'n depressing how fast, good things can come crashing to the ground and explode in your face, and you cant do a damn thing about it.
And if you even try, it only worsens everything, so its best to just go with it, and shut the hell up, as hard as that may be, all the time.

this is boring now.

my life

2005-04-21T19:33:00.000-07:00

seems like such a f'n waste right now...

i dont know what the hell is going on anymore...
i dont know which way is up...

but evidentlly the food in my stomache does..
i feel so sick...

this n that

2005-04-18T17:43:00.000-07:00

I wish I knew how to play the guitar or piano or something.... wrote this one.....its finally finished... and I like it... i can hear music to it, just dont know how to do it...

Highway 35

Its Friday night and there is no agenda
atleast not til monday morn
take me the hell outta here
anyplace real far away
Just for tonite atleast
north or south lets just go please

lets go to Iowa
land of the DJ we like to laugh at
land of fields of nothing and nobody but us

Well its Friday night and there is no agenda
atleast not til monday morn
just take me out of here
anyplace far away

we could go back to sup town and hang with the band again
lets just hop in the car, come-on take my hand
now theres nothing stopping us you know
come on, come on, come on, lets go

its Friday night and theres no agenda
atleast not til monday morn
take me the hell away from here
anyplace far my dear
just for tonite atleast
just take me away please

Nick Goedert © 2005

Okay...

2005-04-16T23:30:00.000-07:00

Okay... so.. this thing is like a diary right?
Only one thats posted online for all to see...
Diaries usually have what your thinking and whats going on lately...
i think?

So heres the scoop with whats up here lately..

Been talking with Elissa lots lately... about "us"... and where we're going/what we're doing..

currently it sits like this... we are infact not a "couple"
as sad as that may sound, especially to myself... its for the better, at this time.

what we are, though, is real good friends, and thats what she needs right now....to be sure that she has her support system of friends/family around.... especially lately, because there so much else to be unsure of, for her currently.... and she doesnt need to be worrying about whether she's giving enough to a "relationship", on top of all that.
not that I mean to get into her stuff here, on my site...
thats for her to discuss if she wishes, on her page.... go there if you want to read it.

one thing that I think both of us look forward to, is what has become our usual thursday evening of crappy-drama-driven TV shows, both taped, and live, and re-runs, etc... and we're pretty much gonna keep that alive... and will still see a lot of eachother, besides that...
we just saw a Valet concert tonight, infact, and will be going to see Tegan and Sara, at The Quest on May 6th...
And come on... you think that after discovering we mesh so well as a medallion hunting unit, that we're gonna part ways on that front either? No chance.
neither of us are going anyplace... still right here.

She's also allowing me to take her out for dinner and maybe a movie next friday....
That would be the date that would mark 3 months since our first actual "date"...
We're not going to call this one a date... i dont think....
well.. maybe... but its a date, of two friends, celebrating the fact that they have eachother to rely on through both good times and through bad times...

who knows what the future holds for anyone, anyhow...not me, not her, and not even you who reads this...
Ofcourse i'd like to hold onto a little bit of hope that maybe this decision, will lead to eventually strengthen our relationship, sometime down the road, when both of us, are ready for something to be real, and mean something.... because without that its really not fair to either of us.
That little bit of hope, though is for it to be with me.

Even if that doesnt happen....atleast we'll both know that we can surely count on eachother for a solid friendship, and also guidence, and many other things in times of need.... or even when its not needed, for that matter.
Dont get me wrong.. I dont want it to seem like I'm "waiting around" for her to "make up her mind", cause thats not whats going on.

I really didnt want to post any of this on here... and have been trying to decide for the past half hour whether or not to do it...
I guess I feel that if/when i doubt that this is for the better, maybe I'll have this to come back and read, and hopefully convince myself that it is.

I really do fucking love her so god-damned much....(sorry for the expletives, but they seemed necessary here) and probably always will...
even if I cant be with her in a true-love, serious relationship, kind of way, and I really have no doubt that she probably feels the same way...
otherwise, neither of us would really bother trying to work on this, and whats there, like we have been.

thank you for your time.

comments on this site, might not always be responded to, but are greatly accepted.
unless their negative, or come from un-wanted sources.
in that case, i'll just delete them :)

Yeah yeah

2005-04-10T00:00:00.000-07:00

got back a while ago from a shindig in apple valley...

Fellow Cooler Crew member Zephy a.k.a. Jason... who if you look at that link, has been serving in Iraq, is now home on a 2 week leave.... so the crew got together in his honor, and had some fun...

good times, good food, good talkin with lots of people...
sad that he has to go back on the 21st... but its best to try not to think about that, and if ya do... just know that its only for like 6 months, and hopefully those will go by fast...

hell... hopefully all the guys/gals over there come home fast, and safe more than anything...

Messy

2005-04-08T09:02:00.000-07:00

got hired today...

JC Penny's new store in maplewood, doing some kind of part-time stock... it has a chance to be full time if they decide that they like me, after the 30 day "trial period"...

was thinking Goldenharvest would have bad things to say, but evidentlly they didnt... or they just didnt bother to call...

first training day is Monday... then maybe work tuesday morn... who knows.

still lookin for work though... have a nice possibility at a career fair, for Mesaba airlines on the 19th....

still alive, just havent posted lately.

2005-04-06T20:34:00.000-07:00

Getting rid of more and more bad...
bringing in more of of the positive

need more positivity
who doesnt?

negativity sucks.... especially when theres too much of it... it just makes you think about more negative things, even when the negatives are really positives....

negatively disguised positives..
or positives disguised as negatives...
take your pick, I guess... one of those makes sense...

I realize its wednesday... middle of the week, but just wanted to let you all know that last weekend was fun... we went to Duluth, and saw some of Elissa's friends do a show "Nothing Much" would be the band (gotta remind me to get a blank CD to ya, so you can make me a copy, pretty, pretty please?), and Sam opened for them... was really a fun time... got to meet and talk with bunches of new people, about everything and nothing all at the same time.

i tried to go to sleep a half hour ago, but couldnt....too "loud" around here, to do any sleeping at the current point in time.

the situation needs to change, and fast... i need my own space...

normally I hate the word "space", but in this instance a new place is what I both want and need.... a place to make "my own", if that makes any sense... because as was just pointed out to me by an obnoxious, ass "everything here is mine" (not mine)

more positives... bringing them in...

really.... life isnt as shitty as this post is making it out to be....
im in love with someone.... someone that loves back without question, and that makes every day better by far...

im tired, and really this post makes no sense...

leave some comments, please? No one does that anymore. Maybe I should get a new tag-board?

fun times.

2005-04-01T07:00:00.000-08:00

Last night twas very fun...

After all the job hunting festivities yesterday were through, I went over to meet Elissa at her workplace, and we went to meet up with Jenny, for a bit, and then headed over to The Dinkytowner, where we saw some kick ass music, and had some good grub!

Got to see Kurmudgeon(sp?) who were real good, also got to see Martin Devaney, Cowboy Curtis (who were really rockin, and have improved way more, from the last time I saw them, live), and Valet... Valet was WAY awesome... real good set, but I wish they could have played more... that happens everytime, though doesnt it??? Really wanted to see them, after hearing for so long about how good they are... now I know what I was missin. Definatley plannin on seeing them again, if do-able... We missed the opener though... Jacob Drun?? not sure... but thats what ya get, when the show starts at like 5:00 on a weekday...
hell... thats kinda early for a weekend show too, for that matter.

On the way in, our 5 dollar cover, got us free stuff too....a sampler of local music, celebrating "smoke free, saturdday nights at the dinky towner", which has alotta good stuff on it... also got a little rubber thing that resembles a lung.... its supposed to be one of those squeezy-stress-reliever things.... and a key chain/lanyard thing that says something catchy about not smoking on it (dont know, dont have it infront of me)

Afterwards, we headed to Chang O'hara's where Jon, Carla, Jane, Emily and new-guy-who's-name-escapes-me were all hanging out, and havin a fun time talking about tons of stuff...

twas a good Thursday night..... although I feel shitty for, forgetting to set the VCR, to tape our regular Thursday night line-up of ER, and The O.C., and The Apprentice...

Today is First Ave's b-day... guess its turnin 35, today... theres a buncha festivities planned over there, including a series of films about the buildings history, and their givin out free b-day cake, and if drinkin wine/champagne floats your boat, then they'll have that too... theres also what sounds like a semi-okay show (if you forget the fact that its an all-ages event), next door, at 7th Street Entry.....talkin bout goin to that... but who knows... its early..

been talkin with a few "ghosts of the past", recently... making tentative plans to possibly hang out???? or maybe just talk some more??? who knows... I dont know what to think yet... gonna just go with it, and see what happens, I guess.

gonna get goin... see where I can find to go, today...

blah.. this is getting so tiring... hopefully something comes soon...

poo

2005-03-30T06:40:00.000-08:00

Blah...
thats how ive felt lately...

problems with people who i used to consider friends...
problems with job searching...

i just feel like if i get something... anything like alot of stuff is just going to seem minute(is that how you spell it? maybe I should just say "small", instead??).

who knows...

Elissa came over last night, and we watched nice ol' crappy tv shows... "Gilmore girls" which I didnt really care for, but she's kinda talked me into it, and im starting to know who's who....and the new show on NBC - "The Office".... a FUNNY show... that ya'll should check out... last nights one kinda pushed the envelope, though... dealing with racial issues in the workplace... funny show, over-all though...

We've been having alot of good talks, about alot of things lately... putting everything into perspective, and looking forward.... i think we're both happy with how things are going... only looks brighter... :)

It looks and smells like rain, is coming.... thats way cool... i love it when it rains... (except when I have to wait around for busses like i will today), especially when its just full-on, with thunder and scary ass, dark clouds everything.... yep... first rainfall of spring, should be here soon, hopefully...

and on those two positive notes.... i think i'll end this boring post.

later.

p.s.

i guess comments are back????

2005-03-25T14:37:00.000-08:00

Well, howdy folks!

How are you?

Fine here thanks...

been a long day... checkin bus times and stuff, right now, cause I thinks im bout ta head over to The Triple Rock to meet up with Elissa and her homie-girl Jenny... gonna see Mark Mallman, Melodious Owl, and Winter Blanket... the first two I have heard of, and will probably enjoy seeing... the last, however will be new to me.... should be fun.

Today sucked on the job front.... did an interview, and then went to correct some apps, that I printed out wrong, and then handed in a couple of them at a few places that I happened to spot from the bus, that had hiring signs in the windows....
Ive been playing around with Monster.com, lately, and I think I have my account set up how I like it... been getting a buncha responses, from insurance sales places, above all others, for some reason... and most of them, i actually am qualified for... basically what their all lookin for, is people with little or no experience in the business, so they can mold you into what they like, I guess.... I guess I could actually see myself doin somethin like that too.... I mean... I did telemarketing, for a while... only sucky part about that , was all the "cold-calling", you do... basically calling people that dont want your shit anyways.... whereas, something like this, or other kinds of actual sales places, your dealing with existing people, or people that "want" to be customers, and arent going to bitch you out for reasons beyond your control.....

I think..

eh.. who knows...

You ever think about stuff too much? and then when prompted, said something, and later realized that you were wrong, and felt like a real big ass?? and like you needed to apologize a bunch?

I think im one of those people that over-thinks alotta stuff.... and usually when I do that, i tend to do more negative thinkin, than positive.... isnt that how everyone does it?? or am I just weird???

dont answer that last one, smart-ass... i was just thinking out loud.

Anyways, yeah... point of the story is... I thought about something too much, then talked about it, shouldnt have, cause it really wasnt anything bad, anyways, and now I feel like an ass.

last mention of it, now... i promise..

did ya'll reader folk, get outside today??!!? it was like 50 today... over it probably... all's I know, is that I felt good with just the regular clothing plus one of my hoodies on.... nice day... i still get to go and enjoy it for a while longer... at least while riding/waiting for the bus....
OOOH... and I just did the "trip planner" on metro transits website, and it looks like I'll get to ride the LightRail thing, for a lil bit of the way, on my route over there... although it only has that part of the "trip" lasting for about 2 minutes.... which means its probably walkable, and only like 2 or 3 blocks, from where im supposed to transfer onto the thing from....

eh...

i guess im done with this rant, now...

later

Hey hey...

2005-03-22T16:00:00.000-08:00

Sorry bout the lack of updates, recently... just havent been around much... and when I have been, I havent felt like updating, cause I've had other stuff to do...

Was gone, most of the weekend, with Elissa...we went and used my gift card, that I got at the surprise b-day party the other day.... I picked up some new pajama pants, a couple of new T-shirts, and the new Green Day CD... which is where the new headline comes from: its one of the lines of lyrics from the title track - "American Idiot"...
also watched the remainder of the LOTR trilogy.... yay!! now im caught up on both Harry Potter, and the LOTR.... didnt think i'd like either one, but their both real good...
We also watched Collateral, last night.... real good flick, i reccomend it... started to watch Elf, but neither of us could stay awake, plus, Elissa is comin down with a cold - sicky-ness :( needs her rest... which is good for ya when yer sick.... or so everyone always says, right??

I went and got the Thai Chicken Pizza from Chang O'hara's last night, and showed up over there with it, so neither of us had to do any cookin, and could just take it easy, and watch the movies.... think we both needed it... plus... you cant get pizza any better than that stuff....

well... you can... but not better thai pizza, im guessin... if your in the area, check that place out, and try that dish.... its on Selby and.... cross street, anyone??? Mackubin, maybe???

Just got back a while ago, from feedin my sisters fish, and checkin on the cats, and bringin mail in, and whatever else needed to be done, while I was there, since she's still in Europe.... dont know ive Ive mentioned that yet, but she went on a 2 week Euro-trip, with a group of people.... i guess the German teacher from Johnson, retired, and he planned an "adults" trip, consisting of people who've already graduated from Johnson. Sounds fun...

Not much else goin on here at the second.... kinda hungry, but I think I'll wait, cause I dont know whats goin on yet... Elissa has her poetry class at the loft tonight.... maybe I'll get to cook for her after she's done.... maybe not... 9:30 is kinda late to begin cookin dinner??

Who knows.

I've also decided to temporarily disable comments after posts.... just for a little while... or however long it takes certain people, to learn that I dont want anything to do with them.

im out.

Happy B-day indeed...

2005-03-17T07:20:00.000-08:00

Last night KICKED ASS!!!

Incase you didnt know, it was my birthday yesterday...

heres what went down:

So.. Elissa had told me like a day or 2 ahead of time that she had made dinner reservations for us, at a restaurant... wouldnt say where, cept that thay had good food, and I'd like it.... sounds decent enough.... and to tell you the truth, I really wouldnt have cared, if we just had reservations to watch some paint dry, as long as she'd be there, i'd be fine.....

So, then yesterday, the "reservation" was for at like around 8 O'clock.... she gets here, and we watch TV for a lil while, and then she gets a phone call from her friend Emily, saying "hey, me and some other people are getting together for some drinks, and hanging out at Great Waters" (great waters is a bar/restuarant in downtown saint paul, that was popularized, as a hang-out, by the cooler crew, during this past years winter carnival medallion hunt), so we're like.. COOL!! ... we should go, and Elissa informs me that the actual dinner reservation is for this this nice lil fancy lookin place, right next door to GW's, that we had been checking out/discussing during the Winter Carnival.... so it was gonna work out just right.... we could hang with them for a while, then go have dinner... right???

wrong.

So, we get there, and walk into GW's.. and what do I see... but a large group of the Cooler Crew, sitting at tables, along with Emily who made the phone call, and Frank, and then later on, Jon and Carla, and TMK, showed up....

Point is.. I was set up, and it was a surprise party, for lil ol' me, all arranged, by Elissa, on her very own.... the phone call, was all staged... and there was numerous phonings of my family members trying to get them to show up, and e-mailings amongst friends, all done without me knowing a single thing!!!

I LOVED every minute of it! It was so much fun... all the chatty atmosphere that happens whenever a buncha fun people get together.... it rocked so much, and all the planning/secrecy that she needed, worked like a charm, and was greatly appreciated.... I even got flowers from Elissa... 2 dozen Roses.... and i got flowers and candy, and cards from others there, as well...... it was so much fun, and so cool, that people would go to that kind of deal, for me..... I just kinda felt a lil like "damn... what did I do to deserve this?!?!" and must now do a million things that could never add up to what she did last night, and the feeling she brings to me every single day....

None of the fam showed up actually.... i got a card from my dad, yesterday, and that... surprisingly was the only contact, i had with any family members yesterday... no phone calls, no nothin.... cept, like, people sending along birthday wishes, and such, through Elissa, when she notified them of the event.......not really bummed about that, just was kinda surprising that I didnt hear from anyone....

I had so much fun last night... any one reading this, that was there: Thank you... VERY, VERY, VERY, VERY, VERY MUCH...

Also... for the rest of you reader-folk... you may have noticed that the tag-board is now gone... with the problems its been having/causing lately, being not being able to post most of the time, lately, and then last night, I was informed that its causing pop-ups and stuff.... i made the decision to get rid of it....

Im gonna go now.... happy St. Patricks day!

Still alive...

2005-03-14T07:04:00.000-08:00

Hey ya....

Havent even been around here for more than like a half hour or so at a time, since like thursday or friday or whatever... so didnt really bother updating...

Had a real good weekend, again, this one :) did lotsa medallion hunting stuff... AW's mock hunt started recently.... tonight will be clue 9, already... this weekend, Elissa and I ended up going to a few parks, and checking out the feel/what we like.... havent really been on to much of anything, but it feels like we're getting close?!??!?

We ran into fellow cooler crew member, Jason - aka - TMK (Those Medaling Kids), and scared the heck outta him, yesterday, by following him for a few miles... hahaha (evil laughter).... then the 3 of us discussed clues/parks, and we realized that other people are pretty much just doing what we've been doing....... being confused as hell!!!

Went to a pre-season college baseball game at the big inflatable toilet (The Metrodome), the other night, to watch on of Elissa's cousins boyfriend/fiance's(???) former team, play against drunken Ausgburg College.... also got to see the tail end of the Gophers vs some Louisiana team that had fun, real loud fans.... good times...

Last night, we ended up at my moms for what she called a "goodbye dinner", on account of the fact that my sister leaves today, for a 2 week Germany trip.... seems like everyone is either going on, or planning for, trips.... she's doing that, and then going to the virgin islands for one of my cousins weddings.... my mom and step-dad are planning their upcoming Washington D.C. trip, and Elissa is planning for Australia, in June.... Maybe i'll get lucky and win a trip to someplace cool, from one of those banners you see on almost EVERY website you go to?!?!?

Gonna go take a shower, real quick, make some toast and maybe cereal, and then decide which place(s) I want to hit up, to apply and/or find out about working at, from the sunday paper's job ads....

have a good monday.

Sorry...

2005-03-10T06:35:00.000-08:00

Bout the lack of updates, lately.... but.... i do have a life, you know... perhaps you should go and get one of those for yourself, eh???

Just kidding.... you know I like to make fun of you reader folks.... hahaha...

Been applyin for jobs lately... and cleaning/re-arranging my upstairs apartment, and when im not doing all that fun stuff, ive been with Elissa.

I can finally say that ive seen all the Harry Potter flicks now.... twas her mission to get me to see them all, and now I have.... next up would be the Lord Of The Rings movies.... havent seen any of those either..... so yeah.... we watched the 3rd Harry Potter Movie, the other night.. and then the next night, we watched The Excorsist: Beginnings...... that one was a scary ass movie.... but still reccomended for your viewing pleasure..... just make sure that your not eating food, while watching it...

Last night, we went to some of her friends apartment, for dinner, and then watched the Top Model show that as on UPN...... okay.... time out..... dont be laughing at me..... it wasnt my choice.... there were a majority of females there, and they usually outvote whatever the guys want to watch anyways.... so... we watched that, and then somewhere along the lines a big ass conversation/argument broke out between everyone about smoking/non smoking, and how the government runs things..... most of which was started by Elissa's room mate, Jon.....
oh boy... the things I could talk about, that are going on with him...... but out of respect for Elissa, I wont get into that, here on my site

movin right along..... not much else goin on at the time... cept for the fact that i may or may not be coming down with a cold.... i can feel my nose all stuffed up... but then it goes away... blah....

okay.... im out.

.

2005-03-03T21:30:00.000-08:00

Yo...

Not much goin on here at the current time.... did alotta un-needed runnin around today...

I went back over to the U of M campus for the 2nd time this week... went the other day, to fill out some apps for jobs that are being hired for, and then last night... I went to a movie with Elissa and her homie-girl Jenny... and before-hand we went and had some pizza at Chang O'hara's, and Jenny told about how she got hooked up with a good job, through Adecco, on the U campus.... so thats where I ended up, today, on my journey..... even though I really didnt need to go... they had me go back home, where I was e-mailed a website for testing me on various things.... like... filing, and typing skills, etc...

so yeah.... then tonight, Elissa came over after her Kwando class (did I spell it right???) and we dined on crappy sammiches, and chips, and sat down to watch The O.C..... all 2 hours worth that were advertised... but ended up being old episodes that had already been seen.... so instead we watched a movie: Where the Day Takes You.... its a good, independantly made flick, about homeless people in Hollywood... lotsa big actors in it too... check it out, if you see it someplace...

after that, she went on her way, to relax in her big bed, and rest her sore, excersized self, and I watched the rest of the highschool hockey tourney that was on.... thinkin bout watchin Smackdown now, but will prolly do that tomorrow... or whatever....

prolly gonna go to bed here in a bit, so I can get up in the mornin, and get the show on the road

Hey...

2005-03-01T07:05:00.000-08:00

Damn... it feels like its been longer than 4-5 days since I last updated on here...

Had one great weekend...

Went with Elissa back to her native land, of Nisswa/Brainerd..... we left on Friday afternoon and got there right in time for dinner.... seemed like most of what we did while there was eat, good home cooked meals... lol... good stuff though.... I also got to meet a few of Elissa's friends, and see places/things that make up alot of her past, and who she is... I really enjoyed that :) Her sister and her nephew Carter were there too... Carter is like 2 and a half, and is SO full of energy, and so much fun.

Got back sunday, and then went to dinner at THX and Scribe's place, with a bunch of the rest of the cooler crew... made a fool of myself.... real fun :)

I know it probably seems like I could talk more about EVERYTHING this weekend.... but im sorry... this computer is runnin so slow, right now, and pissing me off... and ive also got a few places to run to, and apply at.... not workin out at Goldenharvest any more :(

okay... im out.

2005-02-25T06:30:00.000-08:00

Sup?

Havent been on here in a few, and probably wont have a chance to update again til next week sometime... so I thought I'd come on and say whats up...

Gonna be outta town for the weekend... going with Elissa to her hometown area of Nisswa/Brainerd, for the weekend... stayin at her parents place... gonna get to meet more of her fun family/friends :) prolly gonna leave here after 3, today....

Should be a really cool/fun weekend... lookin forward to it... that and just getting outta here for a while...

not much else goin on, as of late... job hunting continues... crappy work situation contiues... etc..

I just started a load of laundry, cause im behind again, and need clothing for the weekend... and am in the middle of making breakfast.... a meal that I havent eaten in a while.

So yeah.... I think thats all for now, not a big update, but hey.... atleast im still here, right????

Maybe I'll bring the digital camera with, this weekend, and see if I can get any good pics of goings on?? We'll see.

have a good weekend.

Its only Tuesday

2005-02-22T06:50:00.000-08:00

Blah...

It feels like the week is going too fast, and is already half over.

Sorry bout not making any posts in the last few days... but its not like I had alot going on, to actually keep me from doing so.

The weekend was okay... on Saturday, Elissa had a girlie night thing goin on with a buncha her female family members... they all learned how to knit, and she's heavy into this cool lookin scarf thing :)

So while she did that... i sat around and pondered what to do.... ended up goin to Cabs to play pool, and see who was there... ran into Andrea and Rose (her mom)... we all just played pool, and actually didnt stick around very long... and didnt drink at all either..... I think they were on their way out, when I got there.... they invited me back to their place for a while, to watch movies and shoot the breeze, considering its been like a month since any of us have talked...

Guess her parents are going through a divorce.... her dad was pissed about a buncha stuff, and yelled at her mom, and hit her... wasnt cool stuff... the cops ended up being called and they made the dad leave and take a walk.... i should have left right away too... but I stayed out of the way, and then stuck around, while everyone cried, and then when they started being able to laugh again, twas time for me to leave.... blah.... i hate drama.... i like people, but I hate drama.... I'd hate to say that I want to cut them out of my life, too.... i dont think I'll do that, though, cause its a different kinda drama, from the other stuff that caused me to lose friends, and people that were important to me..... stuff that just kinda happened, and I walked in on it.... im just glad that I could help make even a little bit light of the situation....

eh

Sunday was better, though... mostly cause I got to see Elissa :) We decided to go to Como Zoo, for some odd reason..... we were watchin a movie, and then decided that we were bored and needed stuff's to do... so thats what we did... but the zoo was closed.... the new visitor center looks cool though... i guess its open for business now, too...
So after leavin there, we decided to go check out Bandana Square.... because 1. I hadnt been there in years, and 2. Elissa had never been there before.... upon arrival, we discovered that it too was closed for the day..... so then we decided, since we were so close, that we would check out the humane society, and visit the kitties and puppies.... that was fun... its just sad, cause as soon as you walk away, they cry out to you "take me home!!!! "

So yeah.... after all that, we decided that because it was a crappy sunday, and because it was so gloomy and snowy out, that it was a good day to watch more movies, and hide under blankets.... which is what we did.... couldnt have been a better idea, either.... we got Without A Paddle, which I had seen before, but is funny as hell, anyways.... and an old one, from the 70's - THX 1138... mostly because we couldnt find a 2nd one that looked good for the most part, and also, because we saw it, and laughed, on account of the fact that one of the cooler crew goes by that screen name. Its a weird movie, most definately.... but it is good, if you can stay awake through all of it, and actually are able to follow the storyline.... check it out maybe??

Worked yesterday... that place sucks... lets not talk about it.

not much else goin on.... gonna go pay the dentist some much owed money soon, and see what places I can spot from the bus, on the way home, that look like good places to apply at.... really though, they all look good right now. I think im close to done at this shit hole... they like to play games with the schedule and it pisses me off..... JUST GIVE ME HOURS!!!!!

bleh.... im gone.
later.

2005-02-18T08:15:00.000-08:00

The Cooler Crew broke out into a conversation about music... both liked and hated... I told the now famous story of my run in with these creeps... (REO Speedwagon), and someone posted this picture with the caption "PLEASE NICK, DONT KILL US!!!!" I just had to share it with ya'll. P.S. Did you know that their from wisconsin??? that makes them even worse in my books

2005-02-17T15:53:00.000-08:00

Another of Azreal.... this time, he's discussing politics at the kitchen table.

2005-02-17T15:51:00.000-08:00

My cat Azreal... sitting on the back of the couch, looking out a window.... thinking about what he wants for dinner, most likely.

2005-02-17T15:49:00.000-08:00

Another of the capital dome... you can see the horses better in this one.

2005-02-17T15:46:00.000-08:00

Another ice sculpture, this one of the state capitol... at night it was all lit up. If you look close, you can see the gold horses.

2005-02-17T15:43:00.000-08:00

Velociraptor ice sculpture, from the winter carnival ice sculpting competition.

2005-02-17T15:41:00.000-08:00

My dads car

2005-02-17T15:39:00.000-08:00

Giant tree stump, in our front yard... the rest of it fell down a couple summers ago, in a big thunder-storm.... its now growing more branches/weeds from the top.

2005-02-17T15:36:00.000-08:00

our backyard

2005-02-17T15:33:00.000-08:00

our garage

2005-02-17T15:31:00.000-08:00

My dog, Bucky

2005-02-17T15:27:00.000-08:00

My moms x-mas tree

A rose, and some chocholates...

2005-02-15T10:23:00.000-08:00

Is what I gave to Elissa yesterday (valentines day)... and boy was I outdone.... lol... not that It matters, what anyone gives to anyone, really.... cause its just about being with your special someone, right?.... Well.. she surprised me (in a good way), by takin me to Southdale, where we used this giftcard she had, for P.F. Changs(sp?), a REEEEEALLLLY good chinese restaurant.... we had lemon chicken, and some lo-mein, with brown rice..... damn it was good....and there was leftovers too.... after that, we went and saw "Meet The Fockers"...... it was a hilarious movie!!! almost as good as the first one.... its on my list of flicks for you to go see.. get to it. She also wrote me a special poem.... which is very cool... something from the heart..... weird thing is, I did the same thing.... only she didnt get to see it.... i screwed up the writing process, and mesed the whole thing up, and tossed it out (boo to me!!) But her's is better anyways..... and to those who want to see it.... sorry... I'd like to keep it just for myself.... makes it even better :)

We started talkin bout poetry, last night, also... and I showed her my lil collection of stuff that ive written.... i forgot how much I used to like writing... maybe I'll start something again, soon, and see how that goes ?

in any case....Valentines was awesome, this year.... i've always thought that it was just a stupid holiday made up by greeting card companies..... but damn man... I caved this year. And in a good way, for a good cause too ;)

I know we're in love.... its really a great thing.... she brings out a side of me, not alotta people get to see, very often... and its cool.....i've realized that, before Ive only had other experiences, that i "thought" were love. Its often said that when you really experience, you'll know.... now I know :) All the other stuff.... they dont add up to this, here....

sorry.... man... i know ya'll come here for the laughs and stupidness, but I dont have it in me today....

its so nice outside, right now.... atleast it looks that way.... its sunny, but its probably only 35 degrees, and freezing peoples asses off, left and right. Even so... now that Ive got my laundry done, and have done a lil bit of cleaning, and im pretty certain I wont be called into work today, (i was yesterday... and its not often, than they'll gimme 2 in a row), I think I'll hop on a bus, and go drop off these 2 apps that I have, from last week... I'm feelin good day... maybe it'll be a lucky day and I'll get hired, by accident, someplace cool..... or find a hundred bux on the street or somethin :)

later.

Hey

2005-02-13T23:13:00.000-08:00

Suppittydoo???

Not much here... been a long, and nice weekend...

Imma try and cover everything, but... If I dont, and I miss something, dont bother shooting me.... im bulletproof.

Hooked up with Elissa, on Friday... after she got off work, and we headed to Pine City, cause one of her cousins was in a basketball game, playin for his highschool/junior highschool.... got to meet one of her aunts, and one of her uncles and another cousin, and ofcourse, her mom and dad.... their all super cool people, and its easy to see where all her goodness came from :)... We all went to Pukins for dinner, afterwards... fun stuff, and lotsa laughs were had :)

The next morning (Saturday, if your not paying attention), We met up again, with her Parents, for breakfast, and this time, her sister came too, and brough along, her lil cutie son, and her boyfriend, and some of his family.... was again, alotta fun.... really nice, people... me likes :)

After that, us, and her parents car-trained over to her uncle's house, and then we all caravaned out to Eagan, to see her cousin play in a basketball game (5th grade tournament, of sorts)... that was alotta fun, her cousin's team won like 40 - 10, or something along those lines... totally annihilated the other team, so it was way cool...

After that, we split, and went to my moms for a bit, and sat around and talked, and then we went to watch my mom and steve bowl, in their saturday leagues..... then went back for dinner.... cant beat moms home cookin, anytime.... yep.

Later on, that night, we went and watched "Saw" at the Plaza theatre.... a real creepy movie... with some gruesome ass parts.... but real good... you gotta see it for yourself.... i guess The Plaza, is gonna be a first run theatre, soon.... which if you ask me, is pretty much spelling the end of that building....... it was good while it lasted.

Afterwards, we went back to Elissa's and drank a bit, and played Kareoke Revolution with Jon, (Elissa's room-mate) and Sam, one of their very funny homies... and all dined on Kielbasa.... was a fun time indeed.....

Tonight then....Elissa had some stuff's going on... girlie stuff, kind of a jewelry and accessory party, and stuff... afterwards, we chilled here, and watched the grammy awards.... real good performances this year, but all the talking, and introductions, sucked big time.... and then we watched another movie, "The Human Stain"... real good flick, with Anthony Hopkins, Nicole Kidman, Gary Senise, and Ed Harris.... definately one, thats reccomended...

okay... im off now... happy v-day, ya'll.

So

2005-02-09T23:19:00.000-08:00

I thought I'd drop in and make one more post, before I go to bed er somethin....

random thoughts....

Squiggy Fartknockstein. Slumpy McDumpster. Sulky McNuckletts. Doreen Dimweasel. Snuffles Von Skipple. Chuckles McNaughty. I wish it were my job to name clowns. Dirty clowns. Scamper Delishnuts. Scrumpy Nipnang. Sammy Snorkleballs. Champ Master Taintlishy. Chortles McJizzner. Donnie Dingleberry. Scrumpler Guffawsky.

There's a cinematographer with the name Poon Hang Sang.
Do his friends call him The Poon Tangler?
Poon Tang Hang?

Check out http://maps.google.com its cool... i like it better than yahoo maps, except for the fact that it makes my puter run slow.... when your done typing in your address and playing with it... type in other stuff.... random stuff like..... hollywood motels, 90029 or somethin.

okay... thats it for tonight.

2005-02-09T12:28:00.000-08:00

http://www.new-eden.com/Default.asp?CID=WinterCarnival

Check that link out.... there was a guy at the re-hash on Sunday that does panoramic pictures..... theres 2 on there, from the re-hash... the one where theres a bumcha people sitting on the log, underneath that tree, is where the med was found, and where both Elissa and I had crawled under/over/around on 2 seperate nights.... the other pic, is the whole group with hunting tools, standing near the pavillion.... Im not super visible in either one.... but I like it that way :)

you can click on the pic's and drag, up, down, left, and right, to scan in different directions, by the way.

I just got back from 2 interviews a while ago.... went to pissheads direct this morning, for what I thought was going to be my 2nd interview, but was told by the guy that the lady who did the first one, was wrong about me, and that I didnt have enouch qualifiactions.... "what qualifications? the ad, said that all you need was prior telemarketing experience, which I have ALOT of", was my response... and he just said "thanks for coming" and smiled at me, and shook my hand.

so then I hopped back on the bus and went to Home Depot for my scheduled interview, there..... it actually wasnt scheduled.... I dropped off an app last week, and they called yesterday, when I wasnt here and left a message on our voice-mail, saying that it would be nice if I could come in today.... so I did.... the guy seemed to like my prior "stock" experience, and the fact that i can lift stuff, and not complain about it.... and said that he has 15-20 interviews left this week, and if im going to get "the call" i would get it by Friday.

"the call".... those were his words, and they made it seem like its really super important.... like working for the president, or something.

other than that, not alot going on around here... Bucky (my dog) had sickness yesterday, thanks to Iams savory gravy sauce.... but he's all better today, and looks like he wants a walk... maybe I'll do that in a few mins.

Elissa and I went to Target yesterday, where we were chased out of the pharmacy aisle by some old guy that crapped in his pants, and then we headed to blockbuster, and got a couple of movies.... The NoteBook, and The Human Stain.... we watched The NoteBook.... its a chick flick, most definately... but It was real good... its reccomended(spelling?) viewing We also had dinner, which Elissa cooked up, pasta with white garlic sauce, and olives mixed in, and asparagas on the side.... yummy good stuff....

on a side note, no matter what she says, over on her blog, do not believe that I fell off of any kind of furniture, what-so-ever.... lies.... LIES I TELL YOU! ;)

2005-02-07T16:06:00.000-08:00

Damn this thing is running slow...

Did alotta stuff this past weekend.....

Elissa and I, went down to the Torchlight Parade, on saturday.... got to see the fireworx afterwards, and then headed over to GW's for food/drinks.... with a buncha the cooler crew... twas a fun time, indeed... after that, we went shoppin and picked up supplies to make pickle rollups (or pzzickle rollizzups, if your a gangsta)...

We then brought those eats to the Re-Hash Bash the next day (sunday). The Re-Hash, is another medallion hunt-related event, thats been going on for I thin 8-9 years in a row now.... its always held the sunday after the medallion is found, in the park in which it was found in.... its basically a pot-luck picnic, only with snow and cold weather, and a nice big bonfire..... way fun, and lotsa food... the rollups went fast.... we made round 200 or so, and when we left, a few hours later, there were only 3 left.... good stuff...

After that, we went and met up with my sister and headed out to Eagan, and met up with her new guyfriend, Mark, and all went to my moms for dinner (stuffed shells with cheese and meat, along with garlic bread, and strawberry shortcake w/ ice cream, for desert), and to watch the super bowl.... i was kinda hopin the Eagles would win, but.... eh... whatcha gonna do? Real fun times though, this weekend.....

Today, I actually got called in to work, by the butcher guy, and was told that I would be there from 10 A.M., until atleast 3, but it got real dead in there after around noon, and he sent me home at like 1:30 - 1:45 or so....

it sucks, but... yeah... its a few bucks in my pocket, anyways.

not much else goin on..... thinkin bout hamburgers or somethin along those lines for grubbin, in a bit.... so we'll see...

later.

Bored...

2005-02-03T14:50:00.000-08:00

I decided I need a new headline up top..... incase you skipped that part....

I also changed the colors a bit, but changed them back, because Im never happy with that kinda stuff, anyhow...

I went to Old Dutch, (the chip company) today and applied, but I guess their not hiring anyone til March-April, for their warehouse, and stuff..... hopefully I find something decent, soon.... im sick of these crappy jobs, that sound good, until I get them, and then suck because of not enough hours.... Like ive said before, it seems like I keep putting in but just dont get anything coming back..... blah

Tonight would be clue 12.... what fun that would have been.

Im leaving here in an hour or so, to meet up with Elissa, and hang out for a while..... that should make things better... usually does, anyhow... not sure what's goin on yet.... but then again, it doesnt really matter, does it?

I'm gonna go check on my crappy dinner, and see if its done yet...

later.

2005-02-02T23:17:00.000-08:00

So... i updated the other day, with all the clues, hoping some of ya'll reader folks could help with the finding process, but that post (i posted it 3 times) was deleted again.

thanks, blogspot.

Elissa, and I went to go find it, during the day, yesterday, but we were arriving, right as the Sheriff was driving through the park, announcing that it had been found.... we were like 2 hours late.

So we went to the press conference at the Pioneer Press (PP) building, and then to the "Pitty Party", afterwards, where tons of Cooler Crew folks showed up. Much fun was had... lotsa laughs... I actually feel closer to the group, after this years hunt, than I have in previous years.... its actually pretty cool.... its like a small family, kinda... good stuff...

Elissa has posted bunches of pics from the pitty party festivities on her site, so just click on her name, and head on over there to view them. (its easier than stealin them, and re-postin them here, and would take me a couple hours on this slow POS). But I will post just one, and its my favorite of them, for obvious reasons. ;)

Me and Elissa.

I guess thats it, fer now....

2005-01-24T23:40:00.000-08:00

Didja hear?? Theres people in Africa trying to teach large animals how to take craps in toilets???

Elephant Crapper

Nothing much...

2005-01-24T23:37:00.000-08:00

Heres Clue 3:

Be safe and we pledge, neither cliff nor water's edge
Figures in your hunting pursuit
What's that you hear? Please, have no fear
It was there before we moved in

Hey

2005-01-24T12:01:00.000-08:00

Sup...

Just got back from putting in some apps, and picking up todays paper.... heres the two clues so far for the hunt...

Clue 1

The old curmudgeon was in high dudgeon
When a critter ran off with the loot
But this year to be credible, we've made it inedible
And stuck it in a park — so scoot!

Clue 2

Snow we have missed much, this not very white
Christmas
But the ice has come to stay
The water's quite frozen at this park we have chosen
Along its paths you may while time away

So... there ya go.. the first clues so far....

It seems like I didnt do alot this past weekend, but then when I talk/think about it, it actually seems like alot.... well.. more than most weekends lately. But it was definately fun... thanks very much in part to Elissa.... we met up and watched Garden State, and The Villiage... both very good movies... The Villiage... well... just cant talk about it... go see it for yourself.... im slow, and didnt figure it out til it was the very end, but I still ended up liking it... and Garden State is really cool.... its on my list of picks, also, for you to watch... get to it, now...

Then on Saturday, we went to the premier of the medallion hunt documentary....its a real good film, and covers the hunt real good, and makes everything look just like how it is... very fun, and very crazy.... that, and IM in it! haha...yes... Im one of the "clowns" with ICP makeup in it.... if you see it, im the one with the blue and yellow makeup, in the very beginning, and also the one towards the end, talking about "retiring".... it was way weird, to see a film on the bigscreen and actually recognize almost everyone that was in it.... very cool though... and definately a good start, to prove to Elissa how crazy it can actually get out there sometimes..... but she still wants in... lol...

We also went to the Pre-Dig Gig at McGoverns, later on that night.... holy crap, there was alotta people there!.... it was my first time going to one, but I still knew most of the people there.....we had so much fun, just talking to everyone in sight, and taking pics with everyone... man..... so much fun... im happy I was talked into going, this year, and wasnt allowed to escape at the last second....

Last night i hooked up with Elssa again, and we watched a couple more movies.... one was The Forgotten.... definately a weird flick..... I liked it, but... at the same time, the whole way through was like "what the hell???"... and the other was Ned Kelly.... another really good movie....about an outlaw, that really wasnt one.... its on my list, for you to see, now too....

I think I should name that list.... we'll call it "Nicks Picks"....yeah.. cool.

I think im gonna get off of here for a while...

later.

Yes...

2005-01-20T23:25:00.000-08:00

I realize that its like 1:30 in the A.M.

but I'm not in the least bit tired.... I just got done watching my tapes of TV stuff that I watched tonight.... I taped Smackdown, and then watched that a lil bit ago, and then a couple of shows off of Fox...... I started thinking, and realized that I actually watch alot of crappy TV shows.... even if I dont have cable....

Any Wrestling I can find
The O.C.
Stupid reality TV shows, especially if their based on music.
Alotta new comedy ones, that I cant even remember the names to
Scrubs
North Shore (even though it sucks... usually my TV just happens to stay on it, and I get sucked in)
Whatever that new one is that just started on Fox the other night about the evil chick.
Joey (even though it sucks ass, and I wasnt really all into Friends, like the rest of the world)
Medium
The Simpsons
A couple of daytime soap's that will remain nameless, that I have been watching, probably since I was old enough to realize what a TV was...(i didnt start those, on my own.... i was forced into it, because I have a mom and a sister who like them)

and the list continues.... but I think you get the point.... but hey... its all entertainment, right? So what the hell...

oh... and heres some sites that I check out from time to time, to keep occupied while online... enjoy.

http://www.x-entertainment.com
http://www.liquidgeneration.com
http://www.top-rope.com
http://www.newgrounds.com
http://www.wrestlingguide.com
http://www.ebay.com (although I think everyone checks that one, just to see what kind of dumb, useless crap, that people buy and sell)
http://www.poetry.com

yeah.... thats it for now.

Sup?

2005-01-16T00:16:00.000-08:00

Not much here... damn, its cold....

Havent been up to much, lately....i got hired at that asian place, I mentioned... they had me in the meat dept. bagging dead chicken pieces.... bloody chicken parts... real messy, and not cool at all.. but it pays right? Well... the sucky part is that its part time, and when they say part time, they MEAN really part time, evidentlly.... The store owner chick, lets the meat manager guy decide when he wants people to come in and help out with whatever.... ive been called in 3 times, not counting the 1st day I started working there....

not to mention, the 1st night i worked there, the manager guy took off at 7, and basically left a list of stuff that had to be cleaned, for me and the other guy that was there.... the other guy has only been there a couple weeks longer than me, and doesnt know much more than me, either.... well.. the store closes at 8 that night, and we're busting our asses to figure out how these big machinery things come apart, and washing EVERYTHING in sight, and barely got done by the time we had to leave.... we just didnt get one of the machines put back together, and left all the pieces on a table, for the manager guy to do in the morning, with a note, saying we didnt know what to do. He wasnt too pissed, when I went back a couple days later.... but this other dude was... heh... this dude named Larry.... no one really likes him, and I found out why... he's not the manager, but he's the manager guys right hand man, and things he's the shit..... all he does is sit on his ass, and read magazines and watch everyone else work, and when you mess up, he lets you know... often times, very loud and infront of customers.... this happened to me, a couple of times.... once when I was wrapping meat.... you know when you buy hamburger, and it comes on a styrofoam plate thing, with plastic wrap around it.... yeah.. that stuff... well, down there, you have this super-old looking machine and you place the plate on a hot-pad type thing, and then stretch a long piece of plastic wrap out, off the roller, while trying not to get burned badly, and then you have to quickly pull the plate back, and wrap more plastic around it, and then pull some edges down, and place the whole mess back on the hot plate for 2-3 seconds...... sounds easy enough, right? well.... since I had never done it, they wanted me to try doing it, so I could learn how.... probably not a good idea, that it was super busy right then, and the shelf out in the aisle was empty.... so I kept screwing up, and the whole time, this Larry dude is right behind me, going "NO!! YOU FUCKED UP!!! START OVER!!!" and throwing a hissy fit... "THERES CUSTOMERS OUT THERE!!! THEY PROBABLY WANT HAMBURGER!!!" after like 10 trys I get one..... "GOOD!! YOU KNOW HOW TO DO IT?!? DO THOSE OTHER ONES RIGHT AWAY!!!!!" and then I messed up again, so he shoves me aside, and does it himself.... yeah... real fun.

Later on... on my break, that day.... there wasnt really much stuff being sold, so everyone was pretty much just sitting around and joking and stuff, and talking about whatever.... and both the manager guy and the Larry dude start talking about how they were positive the store was gonna hire some more asian people, because a lot of the customers dont speak english.... i know they werent directing anything towards me, but they knew I was there..... and how am I supposed to feel, except that maybe they think I shouldnt have been hired, because they want someone that can actually talk to the customers for them.... not the coolest first week, definately... but I guess i'm still holding in there.... we'll see. Hopefully something else comes around QUICKLY.

Other than that.... not a lot else going on.... the medallion hunt starts this coming Saturday.... damn im excited... after having shitty hunts the past few years, hopefully this one goes good.... I know im gonna get killed for sayin this... but I hope it goes all 12 clues again... its much more fun, to me... when you get to the park, and actually see thousands of people searching all over the place... Speaking of this... the past few years, this camera crew from New York (its actually a guy and his wife), check out http://www.notanotherhollywoodfilm.com have been here, filming a documentary type film on the hunt, called "No Time For Cold Feet" Dunno if im in it or not, but me and Steve were interviewed a few times, the past few years, when we used to go hunting in the ICP makeup.... I guess the entire Cooler Crew, is all gonan go to the very first showing of the film... cause the producers are gonna play it at the U of M, in like a week or so, to coincide with the winter carnival kick off...... the Cooler Crew is kick ass group of fellow medallion hunters that all met in the old, pioneer press message board, which isnt around anymore, but have lived on, to now chat at http://www.peoplesforum.com and seems to grow every year.... its alotta fun, to be associated with that group, and to be a part of it.... we do all kinds of mock hunts in the summer too, where people donate money, and prizes and make up our own clues and hide things..... real fun.... ive been trying to get other friends involved and have bugged my sister to start posting, on there and sign up.... its hard to start talking to a new group... but this one is real fun.. and everyone is welcome.... even if you just want to talk, and not go out and hunt..... But yeah.... the movie thing is awesome.... people that arent from around here, and havent heard about the hunt.... when you tell them about it, their like "what the hell??" and find it real fascinating.... same with Ice Fishing, too.....

blah... im tried of typing... I guess I just wanted to rant about alotta stuff tonight, because I was finally able to stay online for close to 2 hours.....

sorry if none of it makes sense, or it all seems too run-together...

im going to bed.

bye.

So...

2005-01-06T13:12:00.000-08:00

Just got back from an interview... it was for Golden Harvest. Its an grocery store, that caters more towards asains, and mexicans than anything, but still carries brand names that you find at Rainbow and Cub, or what have you, not the cheapest prices around, but not the most expensive either.....but its like 2 blocks from my house, so yeah... I think it was an okay interview... it would be nice to get something around here... even part time if I have to (i just need a job, and some money for both saving, and spending)... and it would be nice, especially there, cause its walking distance, which means less money spent on busses, and more money being saved for my next car....

For some reason my e-mail at hotmail is not working.... i can log into my inbox and everything, but then when I click on a message to read, nothing shows up... its been happening all day..... and theres stuff that I want to read, dammit! I should start using my new G-Mail box more..... speakin of that... ive got 4 invites again... anyone want G-Mail?...

aight.... since theres really nothin much else to do.... heres the story of how I became bitter enemies with R.E.O. Speedwagon..

they played the state fair a couple years ago, on a double bill with Styxx... well... my sister was workin out there at a booth, the night that I went.... i usually go with my mom, cause its fun, and she knows all the best places to go, and we spend the whole day/night out there.... so me and her and her husband went out there, and spent the day seeing EVERYTHING...(really.. if you wanna go to the state fair... go with us, you wont be bitchin about not seeing everything. And make sure you dont have anything else planned for that day, and that you get plenty of sleep the night before)...So I had planned to go home with my sister when she got off work out there... so at one point, my mom and her husband decided that they were gonna go home, and we split up..... i had a few hours to kill, so i walked around and saw a bucnha stuff... and.... damn I was gettin thirsty..... well... my mom always gets those coupon books for all the deals at the fair... and she gave it to me, when we split up.... so i pull out this coupon thing for a root-beer, and head on over to a root-beer barrel to get one.... it ended up costin me around $1.50... not bad, considering it was like one of them thousand ounce cups (I know thats not possible, but it WAS huge, okay?). So...after making the purchase, i was gonna head over to check in with my sister and bug her, and see whats up..... so there I am, walking along, and enjoying my root-beer when all of a sudden I hear what sounds like a car, barreling down on me, and I spin around just in time to dive out of the way (onto a dirty, grassy curb, littered with trash), of a speeding golf cart, losing my gitantenormous (is that even a word? I think I just made it up, if its not) Root-Beer..... no horn, no yelling, no nothing... just them trying to kill me, and costing me a deliciously cheap, icey-cold, huge ass root-beer in the process

how does R.E.O. Speedwagon fit into all of this???? Well.... THEY were on the golf-cart.... i know so, because Styxx was already on stage, and they were set to be on in a matter of minutes.... I also happened to see the backstage pass one guy was wearing as they were speeding away.... and probably the most convincing part.... I saw the lead singer guys poofy hair.

It was funny, yes... and your probably laughing your ass off, reading this, and trying to picture all of it happening.... but the truth is... I was DAMN pissed after this all went down.... so much so, that I e-mailed them, and even typed up a nice letter, and sent it to them, demanding my $1.50.... both of which have not been responded to, and I doubt they ever will.

the morale of the story?

Very simple.... R.E.O. Speedwagon WILL pay for what they did. I'll see to it....even if its the last thing I do. (that last line was all in good fun.... it just sounds cool and evil, especially over a root-beer)

anyhoot.... yeah... thats about it for now.

Bring me my money.

Hey... Yo

2005-01-05T23:11:00.000-08:00

Im back.... able to update.... for now anyhow

Its cool when you realize that you've made a new friend, aint it? Especially when you find out that you and the other person have alot in common n stuff...
Hopefully it lasts a long time, and grows along the way.

Went and saw Napoleon Dynomite last night with my sister.....hahaha... that movie rocks.. i went there not knowing what to expect, and usually when I do that, I end up hating the movie, but this time around it was funny as hell... not too many people I know that have seen it actually liked it...... guess I have aweird movie taste... or maybe was in the right mood for it.... in any case.. it was worth the dollar on dollar tuesday......for only a buck, most movies are worth it...

I think im gettin hired soon.... speakin of that... i should go to bed so I can get in in a few...

later

2004-12-29T21:05:00.000-08:00

hey.

Just checkin e-mails and readin a few sites and other blogs and whatnot, before I head off to watch some DVD's that I got for x-mas.... other than that, not much goin on.

Saw Scott the other day.... we drove around for a buncha hours and hit up some of his homies house, and chilled for a bit... then went to Cheapo's and headed back to his place for a bit.... it was his bro's b-day... so I gave him a card... kinda made an effort to show him that the shit thats gone down/going on is f'n pathetic & should be dealt with. Dunno if he read it or not, though... I handed it to him, and we talked for like 2 seconds, then me an Scott left after like 20 mins or so....

was helpin some peeps move yesterday... so that took up most of the evening then....basically whats been going on, other than a few interviews/apps ive gotten/turned in lately.

anyhoot.... damn its gettin cold again... now, affter being warm for like 2 and a half days....

aight.... im gone

2004-12-24T19:07:00.000-08:00

Yo.

Sup?

Not much here... got back a bit ago from mah sisters house.

An evening of White Castle dining, and gift recieving. I got 25 bux, and a gift card for Sears....not bad, I guess.

Tomorrow should be fun.... the only bad part is I gotta get up at like 9, in order to be at my moms by 10 AM....

I can remember back when I wanted to be up at like 5, in order to check out what was under the tree, and start sorting out the presents.... now its just like "ehhhh....... noooooooo....wake me up at like 3 in the afternoon" heh..... I dunno when it changed either, haha.

Damn, people.... I didnt think that many read this thing.. ive been gettin e-mails, and even a couple IM's, all from people I dont know, and have never talked to, that wanna know "whats your beef with R.E.O. Speedwagon?!?!?" Chill.... man... just chill.... it'll be talked about sooner or later. I'll save it for a time when I dont really have anything to talk about. Cool?

Cool.

other than that, not much else goin on.... everything on TV is crap, and its too cold to go outside and walk the dog. WINTER SUCKS! nah.... I take that back... just the coldness sucks.

Blah.

Okay. Im done.

Later.

Cant sleep...

2004-12-24T02:22:00.000-08:00

Yeh... its like 4:00 in the A.M.

I cant sleep for shit, right now.... seriously....
I think ive gone to bed like 5 times tonight.....

usually if I come online, and cant find any good sites, it makes me tired, so... we'll see how that works...

Hey.... a little note here.... to whoever the person is thats doing the "crush" things on the t-board. It'd be cool if you could either use one of the various contact methods listed, or just not post the stuff. You'll notice that I deleted your last post... your getting too weird with that stuff. mmmkay?

back to your regularly scheduled programming...

Merry X-Mas to everyone.. incase I dont come back on here tonight, or tomorrow morning, at all... hopefully everyone gets all the things they wished for. If its not too late, I'd like a life please... (ah yes.... about the only thing the dollar store doesnt carry)...

My cat says hi.... he just walked accross the keyboard. I guess i'm either typing too loud, or just not paying him enough attention. My guess is the last one.

Hey.. heres some good news.... the medallion hunt is coming up soon.... and with the fact that every day that goes by with no snow, theres a better chance of me finding it... thats gotta be pretty good, right. I'm not even gonna get into last year, man..... im still pissed about that. It was dropped at the last second. Period. I dont care what you say. I was there.

so..... yeah....

I was at maplewood mall the other day, dropping off a couple apps... and I saw Santa Claus grubbin on some Taco Bell in the food court.... (yes... im aware it was the mall santa guy, probably on his lunch break).... so I walked past him and said "Yo! Big Man!!! Whats up on my PS2 this year!?!?!?" And he simply gave me a thumbs up. Thats gotta be a sign, that he's finally bringing me one, right? If not, that would make Santa a liar.... and I'd hate to have to make Santa Claus number 2 on my list of celebrities that I will some day seek revenge on.

Ahh yes..... "Who's number 1?" You ask? Its none other than R.E.O. Speedwagon, ofcourse.

Yes, yes. I know you want to know the story, of how they became my public enemy number 1..... but i'll save that story for another day, because this online venture actually worked, and im tired now.

later.

2004-12-20T21:09:00.000-08:00

Hey hey hey...

Just got back a while ago from seein a flick...

My sister won tix to a preview screening of "Coach Carter", starring Samuel L. Jackson, and a buncha other people you'll probably recognize from other stuff, but wont remember their names... It was pretty good... I recommend it... kind of a mixture of "Lean On Me" and "Remember The Titans".... so go see it or somethin, when it comes out.

Or dont.

Whatever.

We went to my uncle & aunts house the other night, cause a couple of my cousins were gathering over there for a "Karma Cleansing", which consisted of all of us sitting around their newely installed fire-pit in the backyard, and burning things that we associated with bad memories, bad luck, etc.... and writing a list of things we each want to change about ourselves.....so yeah.... that was pretty cool. Especially the burning part. Fire rocks.

Other than, that not much goin on..... got some interviews tomorrow, so.... hopefully all goes well, and I end up with a job.. or 2 or 3...(heh)

Im out.

Sup?

2004-12-16T00:09:00.000-08:00

Not much goin on here...

went to my moms earlier, cause it was my sisters b-day, so we had cake & ice-cream, n stuff.....

my dad gave her some "live" x-mas tree.... it'll be cool if the thing stays alive, and grows all big... but she cant put it outside, for some reason....

Damn... just saw on the re-play of the channel 4 10:00 news, that construction just started recently out by the MOA, to build the worlds largest indoor water park, and its gonna have a water slide, thats like 10 stories high.... damn.. that would rock, man..

Saw scott for a while last night... that was cool. I guess Effy has been tellin people that I said i was movin to another state?? Or somethin? Kinda funny, since I havent talked to him, in a long time... whatever... im done with whatever games errbody wants to mess around with. ya know?

Damn.... its been all cold out lately.... just let my cat/dog inside, and its all freezin out... I dont understand why Azreal (cat) likes to go outside and go to the bathroom, rather than use one of his 2 litter boxes, inside the nice warm house.... one of which, is right near the furnace..... silly cat.

aight... im gone.

2004-12-14T14:50:00.000-08:00

Sup?

Finally able to get on here after a while, of not bein able to...

Went to a funeral over the weekend, for one of my aunts moms... that kinda sucked, but eh... funerals usually do anyways.

Got to see this dude that I used to work with, Andy today, cause I was applying at a bank where he works... that was pretty surprising.... I was sittin there filling out some papers, and he comes up and says "you cant sit there, punk!!", and scared the crap outta me.... haha.... he said him and his wife had another kid (they have 2 now), and we talked about whats been goin on in the past year or so, since we hung out last.... that was pretty cool....

Prolly gonna head to Wal-Mart in a bit.. other than that, not much goin on tonight..

later.

2004-12-10T16:41:00.000-08:00

F.O.D. (Fuck Off and Die)

Something's on my mind
It's been for quite some time
This time I'm on to you
So where the other face?
The face I heard before
Your head trips boring me

Let's nuke the bridge we torched 2,000 times before
This time we'll blast it all to hell
I've had this burning in my guts now for so long
My belly's aching now to say...

Struck down in a rut
Of dislogic and smut
A side of you well hid
When it's all said and done
It's real and it's been fun
But was it all real fun?

You're just a fuck
I can't explain it
'Cause I think you suck
I'm taking pride
In telling you to fuck off and die

I had this burning in my guts now for so long
My belly's aching now to say
I'm taking pleasure in the doubts
That I've passed to you
So listen up as you bite this

You're just a fuck
I can't explain it
'Cause I think you suck
I'm taking pride
In telling you to fuck off and die

- Green Day

No words...

2004-12-09T15:30:00.000-08:00

just read

http://www.93x.com/Article.asp?id=57298

and listen at 10:30 tonight (thursday).

Cold pizza is good

2004-12-08T21:56:00.000-08:00

I dont care what anyone says... leftover cold pizza is good...

that was my dinner tonight... my dad hardly ever eats leftovers, no matter if its cooked, or bought from a restaurant.. so it was all mine.. cool huh?

Right now, im just chilling and flippin channels between Conan, and the CBS Late, Late show....
its funny... i hardly ever watched the Late, Late Show when Craig Kilborn was the host, but now that they seem to switch hosts every single night, i tune in, just to see which has-been is gonna be running the shindig tonight....
tonight its that David Allan Grier (sp?), actor/comedian guy.... i know he's been in shows/movies that ive seen, just none come to mind, and I'm too lazy to do a websearch for you people...

I got a call from this dude at PetSmart, today, that I interviewed with a few weeks back, telling me to come back in and re-apply because he thinks they may have any opening, anytime from next week, to 3 weeks away... I'll be out there tomorrow morning, to do just that.... hopefully it isnt 3 weeks before I find something though.....

It just seems like I keep putting in and putting in, and dont get anything back....

My mom has been telling me that I should go and look into doing community theatre someplace, if anything just to pass time, between jobs, and maybe makea few new connections, and/or friends.....

I'm pretty sure, that most of anyone that reads this, dont know that I was in theatre stuff back in highschool.... i was good at it too..... not just good... but real good... i owned that JHS stage, man... I dunno... i'll see what happens...

anywho.... these shows are sucking, and im even more bored right now, than I was when I first started typing this, like a half hour ago..... (wow, the computer actually let me stay on, for more than 5 mins at a time)

So... I think im gonna go take Bucky for a walk.... its still nice outside, and he looks like he needs somethin to do, too..

later.

Blah

2004-12-07T15:19:00.000-08:00

Not much goin on as of now, mah dad just ordered a pizza, so im just waitin on that to get here.....

I did an interview today out at Maplewood at the new bookstore they just opened not too long ago, in the mall.... I think the dude liked the fact that I had a good sense of humor and was laughin at his dumb "book" jokes... so we'll see

Scott showed up yesterday, and I went out drivin with him for like an hour or so.... which was cool, cause I aint really been hangin with a lot of people lately. It was weird at the same time though.... hopefully he doesnt get "in trouble" from his bro for hanging out with me, like Effy claimed that he and Brandon did.... yeh... I called up Effy earlier to see what he's been up to, and he wasnt home ofcourse, but his bro was, and he said somethin bout how Effy mentioned how him and brandon gave me a ride home one day a couple weeks ago, and when Steve found out about it, he made them wish they hadnt. those were his words, not mine... and I have no idea what he meant, nor do I care. Ive decided that I need to find more new people to hang out with, maybe seperate from everyone else, maybe not, who knows.... but Its what I need to do.... whats going on, isnt cool, and I have no idea how it got like that.... and it seems that things arent going to get fixed...... but maybe thats how its supposed to be...

I was watchin the news a while ago, and they were talkin bout how a bunch of people dont want to go to war and dont want to be in the army and the navy and stuff, and they were showing this one guy that was refusing to board an aircraft carrier or something, and he had this shirt on that I thought was funny as hell.... in the front it said "Like a Cabinet Member" and on the back it said "I resign". Good stuff.

ahh.... i hear the broken doorbell upstairs making noise.... the pizza must be here.

im off to grub.

later.

Hey

2004-12-05T20:53:00.000-08:00

Not mcuh goin down here...

atleast ive been online for like a half hour now.. so thats cool.. although I'm prolly jinxing myself by talkin bout it... we'll see.

Not much has been up as of late... been hitting up a few job interviews and whatnot... tryna find work....

Yesterday was my moms b-day so tonight, me and my sister went over there, and we all had chow-mein from Wongs, and b-day cake, and watched tv on their new High Definition TV, that they bought last week... it was okay.

I guess all the "homies" if you can even call them that anymore, all went to Brandon's b-day party over the weekend, that I wasnt even supposed to hear about, or be invited to, for some reason or another.... i hope everyone that went, had a good ass time, and had lots of fun, and I wish all of ya'll a happy x-mas and a happy new year (cause I most likely wont be seeing anyone before/during/after either of those dates)

Movin right along... the Vikings lost today...... not as badly as the Packers did, but they still lost, so... yeah...

imma go now.... before this thing starts gettin too long, and I get kicked off of here, while typing..

ttyl.

Finally....

2004-11-18T00:10:00.000-08:00

Okay... sorry I havent posted in a bit..

We've got some kind of shitty virus on this piece of crap computer, and it either kicks me offline, or doenst let me on alltogether.... so thats my excuse...

Thanks for using the Tag Board... even if theres a lotta hostility.... atleast peeps are using it..

Ive been up to alot lately.... and at the same time, not up to much of anything... ever have one of them days?

I got this kickass CD set... at Cheapo's a few weeks back, for REAL cheap... its a double CD thing, called "The Essential Lynrd Skynrd"... one cd has 13 songs on it, and the other has 12.... they've been taking turns playing non-stop around here lately.... so yeah.

Effy went to court yesterday, because of when he got caught driving around earlier this summer, and the cops pulled him over, and found one of his brothers beer cans in the back seat..... HE is the one that got charged with minor consumption (he wasnt 21 yet, then), which is kinda funny, cause the cops never breathalized him, or did any other tests... they just assumed that it was his can, and he knew it was there....... so anyhow... his sentance is that he cant drink for an entire year, and he's got like 25 hours of community service, and has to pay 115 bucks, and submit randomly done piss tests and breathalizers..... seems like alotta bullshit for something someone else did.... hey... i guess it could be worse, right? His bro could have killed someone and then left a bloody knife, and gloves in the car, and he could have been busted and charged with murder or somethin.... heh.

Not much else goin on right now.... i cant see what the last post was, so I dont know if I said this yet, but, im done with Kohl's.... multiple weeks of not having any hours lead for me to tell the dude that hired me that I didnt want the spot anymore, and that I thank him for the free cup.

I found out later on, after quitting, that i probably costed him a buncha money.... see..... kohls has this deal where if the management staff keeps new hires working there, they get payed money...... so even though I wasnt working, and wasnt getting hours, and wasnt getting payed, someone else actually was... so.... yeah...

That about does it for now.....

if I can get on again soon, i'll update then.. and if not.... too bad.

later.

Yo

2004-11-03T23:39:00.000-08:00

Sup?

Not much goin down here...

Damn man... Bush won huh? Well... congrats to him and whoever voted for him... looks like we're in for another fun ass 4 years, man.

Damn... ive been seeing left and right, that First Avenue is closed... evidentlly some trouble has been brewing for a long ass time with a couple of the owner peeps... its a long story... but the bottom line is that First Avenue is as good as gone, right now... and that just fucking sucks... I wish there was something I could do, to help make that NOT happen.... well.. besides e-mailing people that I think would be interested in knowing...

heh...

maybe some big developer will buy the place, and try to knock it down and build a parking lot, and it'll be like the movies and bunches of people will gather around the building, all holding hands, infront of a bulldozer, and some other construction cars/people, and the cops will show up and pepper spray them all, and try to make them leave....

If/when that happens, I'll probably be involved somehow.... I like that place.... not just because Ive gone there for wrestling, and for a few concerts either, or because it was used in Purple Rain or whatever......Just because its just been there for so long, and means so much to so many/different people.... and it would be wrong to just let the place die, like so many other venue's/important places have had happen to them, and people just forget that they ever existed..... http://www.first-ave.com check it out, e-mail someone, maybe and let them know you care about it (if you do), and let your friends know.... i'm sure that with more people that care about it, knowing whats going on, someone that actually CAN make a difference in the situation, WILL do something.

OTHER than all that, not much else goin on...

Skizzo, Evo, and Brand-X all got the new Smackdown vs Raw video game yesterday, so we chilled and played around with that for a while...

Today I cruised with my sister for a few hours, to Target where she tried to return a pair of jeans, and we ended up standing around for like an hour and a half, her being refused the return, because Target has shitty return policies... and we were harassed by a security guard, whom, I scared, by being vocal towards.... heh..... then we went to Wal-Mart for a while and looked around at stuff. After all that, I went to a job interview at PetSmart, in Maplewood, dunno if imma get hired or not yet... I think the dude liked me in my interview, but he "said" that their not hiring.... dunno whats gonna go on with that.

Eh... not much else goin on...

i'm out.

Sup?

2004-11-02T02:15:00.000-08:00

Just got back a lil while ago from Wally World...

Skizzo and Brand-X stopped by and scooped me up earlier, and we picked up Evo and headed out to the regular one in Hudson, cause they were gonna get the new Raw vs Smackdown video game, but the place didnt have it... so we busted to the one by Stillwater, and that one didnt seem to have it either.... they'll all probably get it on Thursday though... cause thats the "supposed" shipment date of it, or whatever...

Speakin of Wrestling though.... tonight on Monday Night Raw was a cool night... an indy fed dude from round here, and a guy that I talk to, when I see him at events, and who I regularly talk to on AIM, Shawn Daivari was signed to the WWE a few months back, and made his debut tonight, as a manager of another guy.... their forming an "Arabian" team... he's going by Khosori Daivari or somethin like that... i forget... but its still cool to actually see someone you know make it bigtime... hopefully he actually gets to wrestle and debut his "in-ring" skills, and not just be another manager personality... he's been one of the hardest working guys on the indy circuit around here for a long time.... hit up his site sometime, and drop him a line if your so inclined.

other than that, im just chillin.. I'll prolly pinch off here in a few and get some sleep for a while....and then head out and try to find another job in the A.M.

peace.

Trick Or Treat, smell my feet.

2004-11-01T22:20:00.000-08:00

Sup?

Halloween was cool... hopefully yours was too..

I ended up getting up kinda early, and then bout 1:00, I headed out with Brand-X, and Effy, and we all picked up Evo, and headed to West St. Paul and went to a party store, and got face paint, then got some grub and some Faygo and hit a couple other stores up ....

After that, we headed back to Evo's place and all did up our face paint (pictures will be posted, as soon as I get them from anyone that wants to send them)....I did Violent J paint, Evo did ABK (AnyBody Killa), Brandon just did his own Brand-X paint, and Effy did some white stuff, and we all took turns painting bullet holes on his head and face... haha... that was funny as hell, man..

We all basically hung around over there scaring kids and harassing the peeps with the big, cool halloween attraction down the street, all night, just like every year... and then continued the tradition of eating at Denny's with the makeup on.... haha... the waitress knew who ICP was and was talkin bout how her daughter from Wisconsin listens to them....

after that, everyone pretty much just went back to Evo's and from there we all went home...

was a pretty fun night...

later.